Now the seasons always come late
because an hourglass broke its leg.
Summer parches my throat, I drink
to the health of the winter nights.
Because an hourglass broke its leg
while performing a pirouette,
our love is now sheltered from time.
The Halcyon guards man the clocks.
Summer parches my throat, I drink
the effervescence from your lips.
The bubbles bouncing in my veins
burst one by one; and brew a wine.
To the health of the winter nights,
the zephyrs raise a dewey toast.
When droplets saturate, some leaves
finally descend like your clothes.
Author notes
This is Raazi.
Prompt for me-
I want you to write a poetry form called a Retourne. 5 words used must be halcyon, pirouette, saturate, effervescence, & zephyr.
Prompt I gave-
I would like you to write a Ghazal on love using any meter (iambic/anapestic/any other) without using the words: love, heart, blood, passion, desire, companion, beloved, cupid, romance, devotion
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 3 [Top 14] by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended February 2, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In Desperate Need of Inspiration by JustFallingApart.
300 points, ended August 25, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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nice write
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i LOVE this one. especially
"Summer parches my throat, I drink
the effervescence from your lips.
The bubbles bouncing in my veins
burst one by one; and brew a wine."
way to go!
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I was recently asked to write one of these and am impressed by this piece, fluent and captivating.
Much luck,
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I thought you had a good use of language and pulled off the form rather well. However, I didn't feel that pull that really good poems have, where you find yourself sinking into the words and the story they're showing you.
But a lovely poem nevertheless.
Thank you and good luck -
Good attempt dear friend and poet. Keep this up. The sky is the limit. Have a good day
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9
I like this. Kind of felt there could have been more show than tell, but I like the concept. Well done, and I hope you are feeling better.
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I spontaneously clicked on your name when I saw it in the Gold Members list and viewed your profile. I also noticed that you are in the Best Poets group, which I've never heard of and most likely for good reasons. Nevertheless, I was compelled all the more to read your poetry, and now that I have I can say with all honesty that I am glad I did. It is very well written and your vocabulary is magnificent. Words such as halcyon, pirouette, and a few others caused my mouth to drool. This is a nearly perfect creation. Keep up the great work, indeed. I'll be keeping an eye on you.
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You seem to have risen to the task set and produced an intriguing piece of work. It has a spiritual feel to it, hinting at deep meanings beyond the superficial images of first sight.
I trust the judges agree with me
Jim
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Oooh, I love it, beautiful!
I just stopped by this poem to see how you did with my prompt, and I think you did really well! I like the imagery and the flow.
One thing though, you gave ME the prompt when the contest page says you were supposed to give it to "She Has My Heart". Just to let you know before the judging begins.
Good luck in the contest!
~Cassie
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Thanks Yeah, I gave you the prompt accidentally. lol I've given it to she has my heart now. Thanks for the prompt. It was very inspiring.
~Regards
Udit -
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No problem. 
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