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gentle tide

looking out on the water rolling in
washes sand between my toes
a beautiful sight only matched by you
i want to tell you how i feel
but you can't understand
words aren't enough
listen
like the eternal waves come my emotions
fall to my back and drift to thought
water meets my finger tips
the eternal waters of my love flow
hear the sound of the water roll in
now
feel the gentle tide of what it really means

Author notes

option 6 with 3 by the way i love the sea to

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • StarLightResurrects
    February 20, 2008

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    i no this is late but congrats on the silver! i like u put "listen" by itself. it makes it more idk blunt? forceful? idk but its stands out.


  • Flames-of-Furey
    February 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    great edits flow was soothing like the sea i wish i had girl that could write like this

  • Flames-of-Furey
    February 6, 2008

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    'looking out on the water rolling in'
    This is a great way to start
    you give the poem movement and direction and the use of opposites looking out at the water rolling in and the first line links with the title which always helps.

    'a beautiful sight only matched by you'
    this is a great metaphor love this line.

    i like the way you also incorporate the failure of language and that the power of sound and music of the sea can better express how you feel.
    linking the sea to a more personal emotional love
    well written

    'like the eternal waves come my emotions
    fall to my back and drift to thought
    water meets my finger tips'

    this is a great section of description and comparisons the imagery and power are wonderful.

    last few lines were not as well put as they could have been the enchantment wasnt there but you made up for it with the ending

    the last line blew me away I thought you have captured love perfectly. like the tide high low but still refreshing when your deeply entrenched. like love
    'feel the gentle tide of what it really means'

    and I like the silent moral to this poem that love isnt physical its emotional and you can only see love and true beauty with your heart.

    fantastic congratulations

  • Flames-of-Furey
    January 27, 2008
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    damn this is such a good poem but I need to follow my rles too please put your option/s in your authors notes without them I cannot comment please do because im itching to tell you what I think
    Thankyou

1 - 5 of 5