Spinning, losing my self control
Just waiting, waiting until the star falls
For it will bring my dreams to life
From the deepest parts of hell's decaying strife
Causing my heart to fill with astounding joy
As I walk down the aisle with my exuberant young boy
In my hands I master my turbulent fear
As it’s wailing that my demise is near
But I put it aside in my basket of contentment
Leaving behind all of my resentments
For now I stare at your bewitching eyes
And all the emotions of my soul just die
As your hand is impeccably placed in mine
I feel as though we are suspended slowly in time
Only hearing coughing coming from Seth
While I whisper into the perilous night, “this is the luck of baby’s breath”
Author notes
I loved the poem we read as our prompt. It inspired to to write about another flower.
This is my first time in months creating a rhyming poem, so please tell me if there is anything i can fix to improve this piece.
Thank's!
Contest- Sweet--Fire--Roses
A contest entry
- One Poet A Week...A Series Week 3 featuring jasminerose by poet2angels.
700 points, ended January 27, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A ...=...Anything by TheAshtrayGirl.
550 points, ended March 13, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me how i did...
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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:)
Wow
This is really sweet
I love this part
Spinning, losing my self control
Just waiting, waiting until the star falls
For it will bring my dreams to life
From the deepest parts of hell's decaying strife
Great write
Thanks for entering my contest
&
Goodluck
Jaz <3
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Thank you very much for reading and commenting!
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Romantic, and moving again. You have a talent for reaching in and touching the readers heart.
Your wording and rhyme are spot on for this piece, nothing wasted or out of place.
Bravo!
Keep up this great writing., and Good Luck!
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Thank you very much, i'm happy that it turned out well, i wasn't completly sure that the rhyming was good, but i'm glad it is. Thanks for your wonderful comment!
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This is truly a sweet and romantic write, filled with beautiful imagery and emotions...I am delighted you were so inspired to write such a lovely piece!!
I wish you all the best in the contest!
Jasminerose
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Thank you very much!
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You did well with the rhyme.....
TY for your entry and for being inspired by jasminerose's poem!
Lynda
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Thank you very much, and your welcome. Jaminerose's poem was excellent!
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