I could have used you
in the basement, repeatedly
chasing my cobwebs
Slender fingers taming
hidden nook and crannies
with their soft strokes
When I longed to sparkle
embracing vibrancy of youth
unjaded and spontaneous
There, we’d have danced
encircled without chain mail
guarding heart rust
With sunshine gliding
against tiles of slated hues
and concrete inhibitions
But now cinder ash
taints the glory of youth’s dew
and I am a mannequin
forged of passion's misuse
Author notes
This is actually inspired by a piece I read from Muddyking called "Stare" http://allpoetry.com/poem/3849305
In a list
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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grrrrreat! like frosted flakes.
I really liked this. it painted ion my head very well [haha did that make sense?]
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Amazing where the, "I might like this" link takes you and how right it was this was fascinating glimpse it speeds up with each verse reaching a crescendo then back down to Earth with the last verse well done a melancholy look a youth passed...
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Wow Gypsy! Your imagery is just stunning! Such a creative , deep piece. A joy to read!
All the best with this fine piece
Gaylene
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Creative stimulus, amazing depth and imagination showing its head here, Gypsy.
each stanza stands out on its own and together they make for a superb poem.
Excellent writing
Dee
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I enjoyed this especially due to your fabulous imagery and your use of words. The combo of both really made this into a terrific poem.
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Enlisting shared efforts in creating shines here.This authoress reflects on the "might have been" . But overlooks the winsome lovely wisdoms born of experiences gifted with time.This verse,"But now cinder ash, taints the glory of youth’s dew.
And I am a mannequin
forged of passion's misuse"
But oh! The seasoned mannequin lives and breaths life into every well versed turn of a phrase
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Reflecting on what might have been had not life interfered. An excellent tale with intense imagery leading from one line to the next. The saddest words I ever heard are "it might have been"
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Hmm... Somehow you managed to create some kind of snowball effect with this poem... I fell and rolled from one image towards the other, and could still see something else between them in an awkward way...
This one gets a place in the preliminary list.
Thanks for the entry!
Leander -
Absolutely wonderous imagery! There are so many pictures brought to the surface by your words. Good luch!
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hi i thought this was good very short but thats ok as you get the image from the write and wish you the best of luck
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It seems that Muddy gave you serious inspiration dear poet. This is exceptional free verse. I could read this poem over and over, again and again...
"I could have used you
in the basement, repeatedly
chasing my cobwebs"
Sometimes relationships test our soul waters and we either sink or swim. You leave me breathless, does that mean I've sunk? No, it simply exemplifies that "you have the gift"!
Wondrous work!
What an expertly written line that speaks so absolutely. I am impressed and for sure that you are one of my favorites. If not you will be. Thank you for this entry and I wish you well in the challenge.
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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Deep
you tell this story very well.
Images of a relationship that had all
the making of true romance but was stained
by life's harsh realities. Forgetting the past
is no easy task. The scars they leave on
the heart and in the mind is almost irreversable.
Nicely written
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A reflection on what could have been, in ones' youth...the cellar a symbol of the darkness that the past obscures. The last stanza says it all. We all in time remember younger days when life had its peaks of
opportunity..To look back creates a rather dark look at our regrets..
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To understand the time we are given, and look upon it as chosen steps taken without remorse, is a feeling of complete oneness with the inner self. These words make it known, that attention 'was' paid to those remembered days, now reminiscent.
Look at what has passed, and allow mistakes to wash away, for they are now history. Tomorrow is a new day, and that is what matters most. Do with it what you desire, and feel no quilt.
Damn brilliant writting Gypsy.. I really do need to visit more often.
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The title made me read it and the first stanza kind of blew me away.
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time and memories, the former we seek more of and the latter remind us that we only have a certain amount, a good poem.
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excellent~
Amazing indeed...
Thought provoking and love the imagery in this one sweetie...
I particulary loved the ending...
Perfect....
Hugs
And bright blessings
Susan~~~~
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love this.
amazing. i like the way your write
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The seemingly deep mode of this superb piece enthralls me, Gypsy. I especially like these thought provoking lines
"But now cinder ash
taints the glory of youth’s dew"
Another very good write.
Dee
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yes!! this good, this is very very good indeed, and the whole poem, for me, is about the freedom we know we had once, within us to experience love, friendship, adoration, even cruelty, as absorbing, culling and learning beings, gods in the now feared golden hues of our natural powers and tenderness ,,,, but we know we have lost these abilities, or could retrieve them if only we knew how, or had the courage to seek out what we have forgotten to be ... a brilliant poem... bravo
These are my favorite lines and they perfectly embrace and illuminate our true nature which we have forgotten to understand ...
When I longed to sparkle
embracing vibrancy of youth
unjaded and spontaneous
There, we’d have danced
encircled without chain mail
guarding heart rust
Moqui says
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Amazing
Is first thing that pops in my head! So I that means
I'll have a hard time saying anything sensible, because i'm still working on putting my face up off the floor! l.o.l.! oh and WOW!
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This is good
Very good write indeed
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This really hits close to home. Very well done Gypsy
I must say that you are also growing on your poetry as well 
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Very potant and convincing piece. One gets the feeling life is far too short to revisit missed oportunities.Substantially the author relates disappointment to someone who has failed them. Maybe delibrate,or just short sightedly.Metaphoric terms cling to the reader's mind like so many sticky strands hanging from life's rafters of saddened depths.
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Your poetry always take me away to somewhere in your mind. Some LOL worries me that you need help dear. I love your style. This was no exception.
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Another deep and penetrating write from your deep seeded mind, A very cutting ending, How we all can become a Mannequin of passion's misuse sigh..
Very deep penning,
Warm thoughts across the miles,
Frozentearz
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WOW!!!!!!!!!!!
the imagery you've put into this one o master of the pen! incredible piece, sad yet very intesting!
keep on penning, i'll keep on reading!
mike
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Your opening stanza caught me by the throat, and your musing held me tightly until the very end. This poem so reminds me of how mundane life, love, and living can become. Even to the point of us simply sitting, and staring until we catch ourselves. I recently turned 53 years old and those who love me say; "I must mean 35", that I have the numbers backward.
I am glad to have come to know these many years, and with this new year have opted to make myself do something new each day, no matter how small. Your poem makes me think I may be on the right track. Excellent musing. Now, I must rush off to read Muddy's poem.
Much Love ♥
Renee
P.S. You have also inspired me to get that book published as quickly as possible. Sitting and staring is not getting it done. LOL -
excellent
this is much like the reflection of the past and that safe haven, where one is free from all inhibitions and judging
this reminded me of The Lottery...how it had that definate dated feel, yet it could be your next door neighbor.
the last verse floored me with forbidden, even in the sense of thinking of such....loved the mannequin and the window dressing
peace and hugs
Muddy
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excellent
Another fantastic creation from your gifted pen.
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