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Cellar Floor

I could have used you
in the basement, repeatedly
chasing my cobwebs

Slender fingers taming
hidden nook and crannies
with their soft strokes

When I longed to sparkle
embracing vibrancy of youth
unjaded and spontaneous

There, we’d have danced
encircled without chain mail
guarding heart rust

With sunshine gliding
against tiles of slated hues
and concrete inhibitions

But now cinder ash
taints the glory of youth’s dew
and I am a mannequin
forged of passion's misuse


 


Author notes

This is actually inspired by a piece I read from Muddyking called "Stare" http://allpoetry.com/poem/3849305


I've finished by book "Manifestation" if anyone is interested here's the link http://www.greyone.biz/Manifestation.html

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Rose Angel gold member
    June 24
    Edit | Reply
    A reflection on what could have been, in ones' youth...the cellar a symbol of the darkness that the past obscures. The last stanza says it all. We all in time remember younger days when life had its peaks of
    opportunity..To look back creates a rather dark look at our regrets..


  • Silent Cougar Moderators member
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    To understand the time we are given, and look upon it as chosen steps taken without remorse, is a feeling of complete oneness with the inner self. These words make it known, that attention 'was' paid to those remembered days, now reminiscent.

    Look at what has passed, and allow mistakes to wash away, for they are now history. Tomorrow is a new day, and that is what matters most. Do with it what you desire, and feel no quilt.

    Damn brilliant writting Gypsy.. I really do need to visit more often.


  • Cherokee
    March 14
    Edit | Reply
    The title made me read it and the first stanza kind of blew me away.

  • individuality gold member
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    time and memories, the former we seek more of and the latter remind us that we only have a certain amount, a good poem.


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    February 18

    Edit | Reply

    excellent~

    Amazing indeed...
    Thought provoking and love the imagery in this one sweetie...
    I particulary loved the ending...
    Perfect....
    Hugs
    And bright blessings
    Susan~~~~


  • xMorphinex
    February 10
    Edit | Reply
    love this.
    amazing. i like the way your write

  • catz Moderators member
    February 4

    Edit | Reply
    The seemingly deep mode of this superb piece enthralls me, Gypsy. I especially like these thought provoking lines
    "But now cinder ash
    taints the glory of youth’s dew"

    Another very good write.

    Dee


  • Moqui Takoda
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    yes!! this good, this is very very good indeed, and the whole poem, for me, is about the freedom we know we had once, within us to experience love, friendship, adoration, even cruelty, as absorbing, culling and learning beings, gods in the now feared golden hues of our natural powers and tenderness ,,,, but we know we have lost these abilities, or could retrieve them if only we knew how, or had the courage to seek out what we have forgotten to be ... a brilliant poem... bravo

    These are my favorite lines and they perfectly embrace and illuminate our true nature which we have forgotten to understand ...

    When I longed to sparkle
    embracing vibrancy of youth
    unjaded and spontaneous

    There, we’d have danced
    encircled without chain mail
    guarding heart rust


    Moqui says


  • Swangrnv
    January 27

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    Is first thing that pops in my head! So I that means
    I'll have a hard time saying anything sensible, because i'm still working on putting my face up off the floor! l.o.l.! oh and WOW!


  • storiesuntold gold member
    January 27
    Edit | Reply

    This is good

    Very good write indeed


  • Hekate gold member
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    This really hits close to home. Very well done Gypsy I must say that you are also growing on your poetry as well


  • suseann
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    Very potant and convincing piece. One gets the feeling life is far too short to revisit missed oportunities.Substantially the author relates disappointment to someone who has failed them. Maybe delibrate,or just short sightedly.Metaphoric terms cling to the reader's mind like so many sticky strands hanging from life's rafters of saddened depths.


  • Whisper Mckee
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    Your poetry always take me away to somewhere in your mind. Some LOL worries me that you need help dear. I love your style. This was no exception.


  • Frozentearz gold member
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    Another deep and penetrating write from your deep seeded mind, A very cutting ending, How we all can become a Mannequin of passion's misuse sigh..
    Very deep penning,
    Warm thoughts across the miles,
    Frozentearz


  • Jonathan Wikkins
    January 27

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!!!!!!!!!!

    the imagery you've put into this one o master of the pen! incredible piece, sad yet very intesting!

    keep on penning, i'll keep on reading!

    mike


  • poetryality silver member
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    Your opening stanza caught me by the throat, and your musing held me tightly until the very end. This poem so reminds me of how mundane life, love, and living can become. Even to the point of us simply sitting, and staring until we catch ourselves. I recently turned 53 years old and those who love me say; "I must mean 35", that I have the numbers backward.

    I am glad to have come to know these many years, and with this new year have opted to make myself do something new each day, no matter how small. Your poem makes me think I may be on the right track. Excellent musing. Now, I must rush off to read Muddy's poem.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee

    P.S. You have also inspired me to get that book published as quickly as possible. Sitting and staring is not getting it done. LOL

  • MuddyKing gold member
    January 26

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    this is much like the reflection of the past and that safe haven, where one is free from all inhibitions and judging
    this reminded me of The Lottery...how it had that definate dated feel, yet it could be your next door neighbor.
    the last verse floored me with forbidden, even in the sense of thinking of such....loved the mannequin and the window dressing
    peace and hugs
    Muddy


  • penman gold member
    January 26
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    Another fantastic creation from your gifted pen.

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