So still to see from such a distance,
so peaceful the surf looks, winking in white.
Sand between your toes reminds you;
dry land.
The roar of breakers beating relentlessly;
contained to their place, deafening.
Sea foam spoils are tragedy, washed ashore.
I can't hear the ocean cry,
but I know these white remnants were green
until.
Winking in white I know that far off tremor,
violence, upheaval, illusions of peace afar.
I will not sail the seas to meet you,
sand between my toes remind me of dry land
and I miss you.
You can't hear me, deafened by the roar
of tragedy washed ashore
so peaceful the surf looks, winking in white.
Waves pulled by the moon swell like lovers hearts,
beating relentlessly, contained to their place
so still, tragedy, washed ashore.
Author notes
Option 6 & 1 & 3
A contest entry
- Does the Ocean break upon your Heart? by Flames-of-Furey.
488 points, ended February 11, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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F***k! This is really good
my faith has been restored by this poem FANTASTIC! BRAVO!
Great alliteration in the first line really set the tone and the pace for this piece.
'So still to see from such a distance,'
lol I have a thing for alliteration
again great imagery 'so peaceful the surf looks, winking in white.' the words fit perfectly again great alliteration
'Sea foam spoils are tragedy, washed ashore.
I can't hear the ocean cry,
but I know these white remnants were green'
I really feel the tragedy and I like the way you kept to the colours white and green instead of many turning the sea red with blood, which is what I would have expected
'I will not sail the seas to meet you,
sand between my toes remind me of dry land
and I miss you.'
This emotion is well written, woven into all the violent mahem you have created by the waves and as If the only thing that makes you tollerate the noise is the thought of your love for this individual
'You can't hear me, deafened by the roar
of tragedy washed ashore
so peaceful the surf looks, winking in white.'
here is where I like the way you have turned the tide like an echo within your poem.
and the contrast of the peaceful sight of the sea and the actual noise of the waves.
'Waves pulled by the moon swell like lovers hearts,'
great imagery actually best line for description and metaphors.
love the last line where it drifts away and picking out the buzz words from your poem so far as if they are the things that stick in the personas mind and transferes to the reader.
'so still, tragedy, washed ashore.'
like a stream of conciousness like the workings of the mind. wow.
poem was well framed a great picture fantastic read
I take my hat off to you with the option choice you did it proud.
good luck in the contest
points will deffinately increase
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