I will never be a
perfect
size 10
model
crimson lips
pouting
at the camera
flaunting
well-toned thighs
and pert little breasts
I confess
to having hips
for baring children
and one lover
too many
after friday night’s
2AM last call
but if it would make you
love me
I’d gladly peel away
layers of flesh -
In hopes of finding
the woman
you think I should be
A contest entry
- Dear woman, kiss of cellulite. by Naridill.
800 points, ended February 3, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow...great write with a killer ending! So sad that people (women in particular) feel obligated to present the perfect package.
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Wow~ what an ending - I loved it. I feel the prior is a little wordy and takes the effect away but the end - was stunning.
Thanks for entering,
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This has a sad intoneation. The emotion of longing and wanting to be wanted is evident. The misconception here is that beauty is on the outside.
Love,
Amera♥
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Great poem!
I loved every line of it though I do agree with the suggestion about replacing "in hopes to find" with "in hopes of finding" But of course,it's your poem and a really excellent one! Best of luck in the contest.
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Thank you...and I've changed the wording accordingly. Thank you for confirming this suggestion
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Your description make the reader fall in love with you Who in their right mind would want the stick modal when one can have a real woman
I confess
to having hips
for baring children
and one lover
too many
after friday night’s
2AM last call
This my friend make this piece exceptionally erotic or is that just the mind working overtime
Wonderful
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Nobody's perfect. God made you the way you are, so don't change for anyone. I like this poem. Nicely done.
One minor suggestion which you can ignore,
The wording "in hopes to find" sounds a bit awkward, possibly "in hopes of finding" may read a tiny bit better. Just a thought.
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thank you for the comment and the great suggestion
Ruth
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