My Legacy

As I sit here, separated from my legacy,
my tears become my ink.
Forever infused with regret
for my actions that fateful night.
Guilt tarnishes every success,
and consumes my soul completely.
Events which led to it
become blurred with
insignificance.

My mirror of remorse,
shows aching children’s eyes.
Confusion swimming
in minds too young to comprehend,
beyond the fact
of mommy leaving.
My soul still burns with pain
at the feel of their hearts breaking.
I see myself

(the monster)

on that ugly night,
betraying the one thing
that was never meant
to be betrayed.

(A Mothers Love)

In my own mind,
It was my duty to brighten
a darkened world.
I was to be their buffer,
their teacher,
their permanent source
of safety and comfort.
It was my job to be
their rock of strength.
The kisser of boo boo’s,
and healer of woes.
I was supposed to be
their foundation,
their protector.

(I have Failed!)

Instead, I have become
their greatest source of sorrow.
Instead of teaching them
that love is unconditional,
I have taught them
trust is nothing more
than a deceptive illusion.
Safety comes with conditions,
and people

(even moms)

are disappointing.

(I Have Failed Them)

Years have passed,
Since the night I said goodbye…

(My hands still feel their warmth, as I caressed them to sleep)

They are older now, wiser,
and my greatest source of joy.
I see pieces of myself
in my sons sensitivity.
I see pieces of myself
in my daughters strength.
Their souls shine brighter than a million stars…
And I couldn’t be prouder of who they have become…
Despite it all.

(I can still smell their baby sweet scents, as I kissed them goodbye)

But…
I will always see my failures,
swirling in their eyes…

(Or do I just imagine?)