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Shattered dreams

Magnificent things through my eyes i see,
Indescribable colours, breath-taking pictures,
And yet, my soul has vanished,tis no more,
Spirits suffer from feelings of the past,
Gone tis my soul... gone and burnt to the earth's core,
The pain and sorrow still lingers in my heart,
Darkness and anger lurks within, eternal will it last.

Reflecting back whatever wonders that it be,
As fragile as delicate as a glass rose,
Nobody can gain any feelings of men from these eyes,
What am i thinking? Nobody knows,
Silence shroud, slowly things begin to uncover,
Vivid dreams are but a mere tale,
Forever will i be lost in thoughts and misery,
Be patient and soon shall discover.

Unforgettable memories that will remain,
My sorrow...silence...betrayal...and nothingness....
I ask"Am i simply mad? Gone insane?"
Like a glass that has been shattered into pieces of shards,
So tis my dreams, laying there slowly vanishing into dust,
Despite all i've been through i've found something precious to me,
Something with all my life i'll guard,
Friendship....!

Author notes

To me this is kinda abstract cause of the way i write. Though i hope u guyz can understand what i'm talkin about LOL.
It jumps from one end to another. But this was one of the best poetry i wrote. i hope u like it. Comments comments=D!! lmao

A contest entry

How do you feel when you read my poem?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • FreeFalling911
    May 2
    Edit | Reply
    Great write and good luck


  • Danna Hobart
    February 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering.


  • Amy Meneses
    February 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think this still needs a little work on the tone. It does jump a bit here and there and I don't know if the straightforward language is great for the idea you are projecting. This feels like it should be romantic but the tone isn’t'. I think if you richen up the language it would be so much more emotional and real. It could just be my opinion though.

    Amy


  • moonburndcheese
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i enjoyed reading this and i can kinda understand my favorite part would have to be "reflecting back whatever wonders that it be, as fragile as a delicate as a glass rose" well thank you for entering in my contest


  • evilbatwoman
    January 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't follow this. You may perfectly know what you're talking about, but it is unclear to me. I don't know if you were purposely rhyming in the first stanza or not, but you have an inconsistent rhyme scheme.

    One of my worst pet peeves is saying the same thing twice. like "the little small child" In the last stanza you have "...into pieces of shards" are you indicating that the glass [your dreams] are breaking from already broken pieces? If not, it would be better to revise that line.

    Your flow of thoughts changes. You begin talking about darkness, then move on to dreams, and end with friendship. I suggest a narrower focus or perhaps a change in title.

    I enjoyed your vocabulary. I don't like "tis" and such in poetry, but leave it if you want it there.

    Lines such as "...eternal will it last" is written backwards. That tends to happen in poetry, but using the least amount of those phrases helps the reader read through easier.

    I find this work satisfactory. How long have you been writing poetry?

1 - 5 of 5