Absence aggravates soft night
when dreams dredge childish images to
toss sleep into wakefulness
when adult weights exceed
worn shoulders’ strength that long
to harbor in solidity
absence echoes cavities
of gravid dark made lucid until
they promise to consume and clarify
Author notes
Option: The softer side of night...sort of.
A contest entry
- Writer's Choice by Peteskid.
1000 points, ended February 3, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Such a unique take on the prompt bringing reality into view....
Excellent poetry...
Lynda
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Thank you for this fine entry into the contest, and best of luck to you in the judging...PK
Comment in the inimitable style of Ecrivain01:
" you have done well with this the repetition of absence in opening and closing stanzas is effective to bring attention to the message: burdens of absence, well done"
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Thank you...and you do a good job with ecrivain01's style. I appreciate the comments.
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I keep rereading the last stanza, it wants to reverberate eternally in my mind. Wonderful write, you've nailed the surreal nature of late night. You made me want to reach out and shake you, let you know that everything is ok, it was only a dream.
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Thank you...and there are many times that such a reminder would be welcome. Much appreciated.
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I think absence does aggravate a "soft night". The image is clear and the message is simple.
Love,
Amera♥
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