.
The balmy evening is tepid and still,
as a dove coos for its’ mate to come.
Tranquillity stirs with a pleasant thrill,
while a thousand crickets serenely hum.
A laugh echoes nearby in my paradise,
My Love is smiling as she walks to me,
my interest she has no need to entice,
for we are as one and happy as can be.
True peace rules over our union of love,
as the world continues blindly unaware.
Together forever both here and above,
we have vowed without fear or despair.
So the days pass slowly in moments ideal,
while we chart our future together in life,
no secrets will either attempt to conceal
and soon she will be my wonderful wife.
For Cupid’s arrows found true their mark,
and opened up both of our lonely hearts.
Hand in hand in sunlight out of the dark
we stroll as our future now finally starts.
.
Author notes
Option 5
Bazza
A contest entry
- I'm in the mood for anything, SO GO FOR IT! by Chocoholic156.
750 points, ended April 17, 2008, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options by Nikki Rowles.
450 points, ended April 10, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
-
Very good poem....but please review the contest page....I need and AP name in the A.N.s box....thank you for your entry....
~*~An Unwritten Truth~*~ -
This is a really nice poem, I love the rhyming in this poem because at first i didn't even realize that it was rhyming, (which is a good thing for me), and then when i did it was really sweet. Thanks for entering.
-
awww this is so sweet! I love it. So romantic and filled with love. Thank you for your entry.
-
wowww!
i am back dear friend! to comment on your Great work.. sorry for being off for so long! i liked it so much
-
Excellent
A very romantic piece befitting the mood of someone who finds love at every turn of life. I simply wish this has the true power and peace that a gentle soul deserves. The entire nature and the all life forms around you are with you when you are blessed with such love.
-
I can see the roses growing as I read this lovely romantic write.Such a good one and of course so topical at the moment, Ros
-
omg go barry wow how perfectly written this is so beautiful...great poetry once again 10/10 from me.
take-care from tracey
-
This is a lovely poem of love. I would have liked to see a little more variety in the first stanza instead of repeating "as a" twice. Also there is no apostrophe after "its". I also think that you could substitute some full stops for all the commas. Those are the technical points. The content is gentle and peaceful and expresses a contentment which is a pleasure to read. Peace, Liz
-
-
Point taken
Thanks for taking the time to comment but the apostrophe after its has always been there so I don't know how you missed it. I added a full stop as you suggested but vaselated originally on that many times and so decided to use the comma, but it is minor to me. Anyway it helped tip the balance for me. The as a repetition has been removed but this poem has not had its' usual after post edit yet and so things will probably change anyway. I find a rewrite a week or so later is much better once "finished", although none of my poems are ever finished. Thanks again, I appreciate your kind words too.
Barry
-
-
This is such a lovely poem. it is so full of love and romance and sings the sweetest melody as I was reading it. There seems to be such sweet contentment throughout the poem. Well done, this is wonderful.
-
Aww yes.
I do so like to read your verse my friend.
Been away but got to read this one.
Thanx for the reminder why I read work here.
~Ron~
-
That's my boy, doing what he does best!
-
Splendid
A heart-felt piece indeed, my friend.
Smooth as silk, flowing seamlessly from start to finish. Concise, and to the point, as all good love poetry should be. Bravo. Well said
All the very best in all you do
WD
-
It's good to know that such bonds are still possible and viable in today's world. For this I suggest a healthy envy and a hearty encouragement!
-
A true romantic.
The poem is written by a true romantic and you indeed know how to do just that. I always like reading what you write. -
Very well done mate... and good to see a new poem from you! You sound happy and contented!
-
Very Nice read. Really beautiful portray of a Love complete. Reminds me of the Love I had for 36 years. He is with the Lord now but I still think of him every day. Praying to have that again once more. Cherish your times together.
-
Romance Lives!
You let us see the bubble of peace and happiness that love has created around the two of you. Verse 3 has the summary of togetherness. The final verse was a bit trite, but it was a good way to edge us out of your world and back into our realities.
-
Wow this was breath takely beautiful. i did so enjoy this read. it is so nice to know that there is other that have got a love like I do. thank you for shareing this. hope that you will have a great day
-
this is a sweet little poem. I like how it develops from showing the reader that persona is meeting the one he loves and then talking of how they would be together forever. Nice.
-
the title tis was caught me and yet it was not was i was expecting... still i was not disappointed. i understand this one fully. best of luck and lots of hugs,
georgie,
xxx
oh p.s. the first line made me laugh coz my first husband tried to cook for me once and went to the gourmet shop for tepid water lol. -
Nice
Great write here, it flows through adn you can picture this happening.
The balmy evening is tepid and still,
as a dove coos for its’ mate to come.
Tranquillity stirs with a pleasant thrill,
as a thousand crickets serenely hum.
i like this part the best because you can imagine it as you have capture it perfectly.
The title tells you straight away whats happening but in your words you carry it out.
overall i think this is really good and in my opinion needs not anything to change
great penned write
-
as i was reading the piece of art i can picture my self and other walking and talking about future and peace came over me.. thanks ! well done! great imagery and flow and very passion and emotional. thanks for sharing
Adding your comment:
1 - 23 of 23
