charred pink skin
choking the sides of my wound
reopening an unused diary of memoirs
he found me collecting my thoughts
eyes not focusing on anything
it caused fear
panic
a cocktail of adrenaline
that unleashed a cussing of demons
you backed away
a scared girl, a kitten left outside
pale against the elongating shadows
of the moon
it was harvest
sweet scents were prevalent then
yet in this room there was the earthen stench
of soil
bloody soil
my brother brought to me a plant
specifically, one large and jagged tree
he told me he cared
he told me he loved his family
but it was the cross
it was the cross
i levatated to the window
and broke it
showering pieces of drizzle
formed a rosary bead
and then another
but i knew this trick
his heart was a shackle that held me
for far too long
and as he approached, i took his gift
ripping out the innards until there was nothing
but bulb
his eyes glazed over
as he watched me place it in my
wound
folding over the scars
as jaunty verses from scripture
that collectively
would be what someday
freed me
but not
til pentecost
til the dead lillies rise
from my flesh and ashes
til abel ceases to be
my reflection
Author notes
1. Name: road to water/ Jay
2. Age: nearly 19
3. Amount of Poetic Experience: more than five years
4. Typical/Strongest Style: free verse
5. Unusual/Weakest Style: form
6. Favorite Type of Inspiration: random graphic photography that makes me want to indulge in poetry that complements
7. Amount of Multiround Experience: hosted the inital multirounds, won one or two others, etc.
8. Some Accomplishments: member of the site since 2003, and apparently have a strange following wanting me to enter this
9. One Fact I Don’t Know About You: in my room, i have my little ponies and care bears.
10. Additional Comments You’d Like Me To Read: you know me well enough.
A contest entry
- the boy and the tree by hilly.
300 points, ended February 4, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - project poetry season one [prewrite & fresh auditions] by blackday.
600 points, ended March 27, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I would agree with Audri's comment & that it did seem to linger a bit, but at the same time, you couldn't cut anything either. It's a bit of a paradox to be honest.
My only worry... is that my contest is going to suck hardcore now that I have the pressure of you actually entering it.
Oh well. I'll just accept you anyways. You knew you were in anyways.
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thanks, and yes i agree it lingered too much. i look forward to the interesting weeks to come.
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yurse!!!!!
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oh wow how did i miss this one?
its a bit old and i feel awful for not reading this sooner.. you earned your gold well J
the beginning i think was my favorite; it was lingering a bit but i still found it to be interesting and fitting to the prompt. congrats
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i hope you win gold as you so well deserve there is something sad about this piece and though it may sound silly i can't really figure out why but it triggers something in my mind and it stings but the picture you had to use you did it justice no doubt wonderful dear
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thank you! i shall soon find out if i won.
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and as he approached, i took his gift
ripping out the innards until there was nothing
but bulb
those six stanzas (from "but i knew this trick" to "freed me") are so incredibly beautiful. i love this poem. thank you so much for entering justin. -
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Thank you very much and
at you knowing it's me.
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You really are brilliant!
Nothing more needs to be said. This poem speaks volumes of family and the brotherly dysfunction of family love.
Becky
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-that stanza on the girl was my favorite.
you used religion wonderfully in here.
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The poem reminds the reader that brothers have found diferences between them since time began and that the cross was used to crucify Jesus himself,whilst a man,and it's still used to crucify men, loved the style,the pace,the inlusion of incidental rhyme within the freeverse and the intensity,it's all here,like the playground chant kids say, blood is in the bible blood in the book if you don't believe me then take a bloody look,omg sorry am rambling,Bravo.
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Thank you very much.
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this is beautiful =o)
great job.
♥Eyes
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Thank you.
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