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Painful Longing

I'm sitting next to the warming fire,
But I'm laying in an ice storm.

I'm behind a safely locked door,
But I'm walking through dark alleys.

I'm surrounded by smiling faces,
But I'm the only one here.

I'm staring at a feast before me,
But I'm starving to death.

I'm looking at the shining sun,
But I'm trapped in a darkness.

I'm smiling and laughing,
But weeping my red tears.

For without your fulfilling love,
My days are inundated no longer by

Warmth,
Safety,
Company,
Sustenance,
Or light,

But a black void begging for you,
to fill it once more.

Critique and suggetions please!

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Comments

  • Sky Prince Ireland gold member
    January 29, 2008

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    No title? How about I'M LONGING FOR . . . or something like that. True or not, I find this quite sad, but still honest. Self expressive, which is what matters most. Thanks for sharing this. Good job.
    Brian


  • Supa Fox
    January 25, 2008

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    Yaaaaaay! The unevenness (that isn't the word is it...) around the end is a nice way to conclude the constant pattern at the beginning. I like how the first several verses keep you wondering how it's going to turn out. Great write Keep posting! (Seriously, keep posting )