She stayed up, just a
touch from the ground.
The grass flickered in the wind,
as hairs on the crest of a bowed mane.
We took hold of songs,
as if they were ropes to
this horse's neck but she was deep
below, uncontrollable,
and we took shelter in the denim sky.
(Didn't know how
the ocean still poured in surf.)
Clouds stayed with her,
''We'll fly higher
while there is light''
(didn't know how the ocean still
poured in salt).
Her lights were not fire;
the way she rose
was.
She reached up and
kept hope in the empty sky
(as long as it is empty
it is lit?)
As high as it is lit,
so long did she smile in delicious breezes,
''Who will fall from here?'',
not knowing that the trees are on fire
at her feet.
And
the oceans can't
speak what she says.
Author notes
Tam Lin. I received the prompt: 'Sunsets roar what waves can only dream' and gave out: 'The laundromat at midnight gave the cheap, tired smell of improvisation.'
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 3 [Top 14] by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended February 2, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So.... you're a poet huh? And you don't like to ryhme? by Melissa Burns.
375 points, ended March 6, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Thank you for entering my humble little contest. I am having fun exsposing myself to something different. Good luck
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Very creative take on prompt - I love your direction. A little unusual but fitted well.
Much luck,
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I loved your take on your given prompt but I had a bit of trouble reading it, the background combined with the font colour had me squinting (though that could be partially due to the fact I don't have my glasses on lol).
Your ending was strong, as was the whole poem. Great job
Thank you and good luck. -
9.4
I like the imagery. Great response to the prompt. Probably your best one so far, keep up the great work + improvement.
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I agree with the other comments, great imagery, flow and it had a nice mysterious feel to it. The parts in parentheses really was a nice touch. I loved the line "so long did she smile in delicious breezes"
Good luck!!!!
Love Always,
Caroline
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mmmmm, what a warm feeling this poem gave me.
I can see the sunset... What great imagery. This way this poem flows is perfect (to me at least).
I think you're going to do really well in this contest.
~Cassie
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thank you
you are really sweet.
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Mysterious but lyrical. I like it.
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