A frantic cry amid the speech
of an indignant...
Beauty spotted repose;
Eyes flutter like leaves
landing on the government;
Evidence spits the truth
upon the falcuties of their
lies, with thier self chosen
compensation.
Dependent upon private
liabilites......
The hidden executive cheif,
the forerunner of tyranny
amid the delicate balance
of freedom.
Umbrageous citizens,
no action tried;
Republic, Democracy, Communism.....
What does it matter
when no one dares to
chance the unknown
outcome of a out bursted
idea.
New President
No change
Our government officals
are still kissing babies,
Priority one: stay in office
But when madness consumes,
who will protect the people.
Author notes
First question your muse
and second always go with your flow
My promt was 'umbilical residue'
This has nothing to do with the war
Dark Whispers
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 3 [Top 14] by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended February 2, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
word.
since tha beginin of time
tha man has hustled tha masses
i can see in yo ryme
you don't need no glasses
he try tu put in our heads
is da glass half full or half empty
an we take wut he said
we elect him an den we
set him rite up so he can take his fall
cuz we realize there wuz neever any glass at all
-
there was a lot of emotion but bits got tangled up in the emotion. try to smooth it out. otherwise it was good.
-
I have no idea wha the poem was about. too much big words. i lack big vocabulary, but it sounds good.
-
Not much else to say apart from what is below - this is a little improvement in ages but still a little lacking in your strong areas from before. Try to even it out a little.
Much luck,
-
Excellent!
Strong convictions come through every line, you have certainly brought some dark truths to light. I liked the stanza "What does it matter
when no one dares to
chance the unknown
outcome of a out bursted
idea." Bravo!
-
nice work
Oneal
-
I think there was a lot of passion here. You were really vehement in what you're talking about, and though that is a good thing, you have to be careful not to get caught up in the anger. Your ending was a slap in the face to the corrupt.
Thank you and good luck. -
7.8
I like the idea, but it was too vague. I also think you got too wrapped up in telling about the problems rather than showing. The overall concept is good though.
-
Very well done. I love metephoric poems, not to mention I'm pretty big on protest/society poetry as well. Nice work.
-
Having recently watched a government be overthrown in a landslide election, I found this very poignant. Already I wonder if the light at the end of the tunnel is just another train.
J.P. Troy -
This is an amazing piece of writing, I loved the lines:
"A frantic cry amid the speech
of an indignant..."
Best of luck in the contest.
- Jojo x sinnocence -
i can really feel your thoughts in this poem. in my opinion this poem is saying the same thing as one i have written, if u dont mind, i'll provide the link to it here as well. i totally agree with your concepts on the way people make their choices in the government, and i'm sure after reading this you will understand mine. lovely poem. well written, and highly educated write. definitely a poem that provides deeper meaning than what the reader looks into it. i myself pertain this poem to presidential elections, and the choices ppl make, and i will share my views with you as well.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3283998
-
-
yea the thought of this poem came from presdential campaingn and a great prompt, the both made this poem, it came out of know, considering im not really into politics ( its a little depressing.
Thanks for commenting
~Dark
-
-
OMG, Oh my god...this is honestly, honestly the most impressive poem I have ever written...
God the power and the emotion you have put into your , such storng language. I ma in awe. I truly hung onto every word and thought I'm with ya, I'm with ya sister, lol
This is the kind of poem to me, like something my pop write once, deserves to be awarded at a national etc level and to be pubished ina book for an impossible amount of people to see hehehe
Good luck in the contest, I dont think it needs it, but good luck
I am speechless from reading yet I have so much to say and more then anything I love feeling that way
This is simply brilliance on your part darling, such strongly spoken words here. Well, very well done
Cin
P.s. I will be coming back to this from time to time to read again
-
Yes. Finaly I have found someone who thinks this way. I agree, both sides have become corrupted. My favorite line was "New President
No change" How true....what will become of our country?
-
I like how you show how the government is corrupted but yet we don't care enough to change it. We'd rather sit and complain about how much it sucks but never do anything to change it. Government should protect us but not from ourselves.
-
i like it! good luck!
-
great work! really illistrates peoples frustration with the government. not speaking of the war, just in general, your totally right no matter how many presidents we have they ARE all the same, some just have more money then others. capitolsim at its finest i guess, again great work.
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
