today, i found us
boxed under dust,
our photograph has curdled
at the edges like sour milk
and there’s a distinct smell of mildew
curling at the silences
simmering in secrets
and holding the holes
in each other’s hands
we’re nailed to that picture frame
i’m pretty sure we’d melt with time
if it weren’t for your memories
like splinters in my fingertips
every time i hold you.
A contest entry
- I want your best! anything goes, Also hurry because i hate waiting! by urapns66.
350 points, ended April 1, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options: Emotions by Veeolin.
525 points, ended June 25, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critique please.
Comments
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This one is an awesome write, it seems that love often looses meaning and that the people your with only are there because of the times you've hand will never fade.
"i’m pretty sure we’d melt with time
if it weren’t for your memories
like splinters in my fingertips
every time i hold you."
which is what i get from this stanza, and that i definitely like a lot. great job and good luck in the contest! -
Superb each stanza & its own metaphor come together .. wonderful.
Ryan
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Beautiful - lamenting and stunning. The title dragged me in and you kept the imagery up nicely.
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