Caught between tears and smiles
eyes wonder up high for understanding
as the sky reflects banished dreams
incoherent chatter echoes
in cerebral territories
reincarnating regrets and pains
once thought momentary
now tattooed upon a soul against
the one voyaging for the future
hands clasp tightly in foxhole prayers
while eyes become wet with
desperation for meaning
shards of humility fall from
nothing piercing the heart into
introspective submission
of ones unique destiny
Author notes
Prompt: Tattered Smiles, Broken Laces
(Best)
A contest entry
- Prompt Contest by penman.
525 points, ended January 25, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My First Contest by Dave Powell.
450 points, ended March 7, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ****&hearts:.GIMME YOUR BEST SILVER.:♥**** by Erika Elektrikka.
300 points, ended March 13, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Two entries. All prewrite. by morgana raven.
400 points, ended February 23, 123 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Very nicely worded. I really enjoyed this read. Thank you so very much for the share.
Fave part:
reincarnating regrets and pains
once thought momentary
now tattooed upon a soul against
the one voyaging for the future
hands clasp tightly in foxhole prayers
while eyes become wet with
desperation for meaning -
I wonder do eyes wonder or wander?
Some of your word choices are unusual but they do have the effect of making me think about what you are aiming at.
Thanks for sharing. -
well written.
as for structure, I'd much prefer the lines tweaked but this is just awesome. I love your words. amazing.
best of luck,
checkmate
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Nicely done. Great imagery and word choices in the piece. Congrats on your other trophies. Best wishes and thank you for entering.
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I really like this one, you could feel the emotion behind the words, and it was simple, but deep.
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you're really good at wording things. great job. left me completely speechless.
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ah.ma.zing. your imagery is flawless, even though it takes careful reading to understand it all.
"while eyes become wet with desperation for meaning
shards of humility fall from nothing"
those two lines really hit home for me. -
Wonderful write! I really enjoyed reading this. Best of luck to you & thanks for entering my contest
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Fantastic Write! Thank you so much for entering my contest. Best of Luck!
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Oh my god...this never won gold???
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I am enthralled by the stark imagery in this poem. You have really driven home the feeling of having to make that momentous decision that could very well be life altering. Well done, well done. I truly enjoyed reading this gem. Thanks for sharing it and good luck in the contest!
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"fox hole prayers" I just watched "Saving Private Ryan" for the first time and although violent and gory I think that the movie is a lesson for all of us and I learned a lot about those prayers.
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Well done, poet. May have to peruse your poems later. Write on. One.
Dez
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thank you for the comment
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Wonderful
Very well done. best of luck in the contest.
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That's my man. I'm feeling this. Love the line:
"incoherent chatter echoes in cerebal territories"
I've felt that in so many ways that to hear it from someone who gets it is really amazing.
I told you. Don't lose you but simplify certain points and people will embrace the complexity. Your visual descriptions are so fast that people have to slow down to understand. But some give up. But you laid this in our laps without too much compromise. Like the other comment. You're growing as I have in the last year or so. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks bro, that comment was most appriciated.
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wow I can totally picture this in a book or literary mag! You are growing so much as a writer!
Peace and Love
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Thank you I am glad you liked you it.
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