The tin roof, of the quaint wooden structure
took on a chilling aspect. On the hill
the tall man with slumped shoulders, looked over
a small ranch with a tin roof, which gave it
an air of poverty. As the tall man
felt strength passing through his veins, still he sighed.
Snow falling from the sky so silently,
no bird-song, no howling winds, just quiet.
Alone, he felt the passing reign of time,
weary as was his soul upon the day.
He walked quickly toward the modest ranch,
his thoughts solemn as snow, and seeking warmth
captured every fiber of his mortal
thread. He looked back at the snowy wood,
remembrance coursed through his soul and mind.
The church bells rang inside his mind, he laughed.
As the memory channeled his thoughts and sighed,
a winters ghost, her laugh caught him off guard.
She'd been gone a long lonesome ten years now.
A victim to lung cancer, her spirit
undaunted, by the thoughts of her disease.
She had gone quietly while the snow fell,
as beautiful as an old winters dream.
--Humanity, what grim thoughts have you become?
His deep voice resonated in the still
quiet of the ranch, unanswered by time.
The quiet beckoned him while he put a
kettle on for some tea, his mind drifted.
--Yeah! Now it comes down blinding, a white-out.
Again, his statements unnoticed by dust,
he stared deeply into the falling snow.
--Ben ole boy sip your tea, for she alone
waits for you, on that side of the curtain.
He peered out into nothing, lost in thought,
often he measured time by weight of snow.
(to be continued or discarded at a later date)
Author notes
Decameter-- ten syllables per line.
A contest entry
- PW allowed (Friends list) by Riftkin.
475 points, ended February 8, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A few of Winklings' Poems Set Up for Responses #49 by Winklings.
3780 points, ended March 4, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
Interesting - to be continues or discarded at a later date. Guess it is at the whim of the poet - sometimes we like to come back to these and continue, edit or just delete. Know that feeling. Nice to have it here to read just now.
-
"Alone, he felt the passing reign of time,
weary as was his soul upon the day."
I love these two lines and I do like how this was writtn. Prose in decameter.
Hopefully continued and never discarded. Often he measured time by weight of snow...
What an original and inviting statement that is. I enjoyed this very much. Thank you. ~Pamela
-
This is a tender story, I enjoyed reading it. He is alone but chooses loneliness - his memories are companions. This is a strong character.
There were some repetitions of words which may have been more interesting with synonyms, eg. "the tall man", but I didn't mind "snow", that was always the right word.
Good luck!
-
I was almost drifting away imagining myself sitting at a fireplace and listening to a storyteller reciting this beautifully written prosaic verse ...
vivid imagery creates just the right emotional response here ... and an ambiance of nostalgia ...
thank you for sharing your heart,
maa
-
Prosaic some, but Frostian style elsewhere.
Tidy this up with pruning and some correct punctuation and I could anthologize this poem, friend.
-
-
I have slowly begun to edit,
Thank you.
-
-
wow!
wow! this is a long story prose, even though it has merit, it would not be wise to not go on. I would be wise to give the reader mystery no told. Saddie23
-
I vote to be continued. Beautiful images, emotions come across strongly, and your reader wants more at the end. Perfect!
-
this is wonderful, please do not discard it.
I loved the flow of this and the way it was
written is beautiful
thank you for placing this so I could read it.
-
OMG! Quadtripled Wow! This is fantastic. The story line it's self is making it a great worthy read. And the form although new to me ,is wonderful.Don't you dare discard this best seller. In it's beautiful present state of descriptive moving thoughts and words stands tall and you must be proud of what you've accomplished. Yet,it has the ability to go forward as a starting point in a grand novel too. You have a gift my friend!
-
amazing and beautiful. I was spellbound.
-
The flow is beautiful - I couldn't even notice the restriction in syllables. The story is just starting to intrigue me, you'll need to let me know when you finish [no discarding allowed].
Very fluent & beautiful phrasing.
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
