Sophisticated, calm, and cool,
collected--dare I say
A young girl with
a book in hand
daydreaming life away.
A joke, a laugh
a play on words
with pen and paper near
friends left behind
-or rather she-
a loner-thought savvy.
Gentle wind nudging her-
breezing through life's gales;
Trips, falls, face in dirt-
Inhaling-laughs-exhales.
Glance up, there he stands;
And she upon the ground.
Internal frown, a little down,
She grins as her heart sighs
-my God I love his eyes!-
Author notes
Opt.9
This doesn't really make any sense, haha. It's kind of a metaphor of what I internally felt when I "tripped" into love. I say tripped because there were definitely obstacles that stopped me at first, some self-imposed for complicated reasons. Anyways, I'm just making fun of myself in this.
A contest entry
- Many options by forget my memories.
450 points, ended March 13, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Love Writes Here! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 8, 2008, 306 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is original, especially with the ending... Throughout the whole poem, it seems so descriptive, and then at the end it's just a certain statement that holds a lot of power. Nicely done!
Thanks for entering your write in "Enter All Your Love Writes Here!", and good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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Thanks, this piece is a whimsical little thing but it's actually something rather meaningful to me too haha
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Aww i love the end.
She grins as her heart sighs
-my God I love his eyes!-
This was a very good write. You did a great job. Thank you for entering i think we have all been there day dreaming about some boy that you wish you had. Good luck to you.
Sam
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thanks, i still kind of wish I had this boy >.> haha
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Very cute. I love the description of the fall itself
"Inhaling-laughs-exhales..."
as well as the last lines when she sees his beautiful eyes. Just very simple and enjoyable overall. -
This is a beautiful piece... the whole thing was just so sweet
the only part that I thought could be different was where you had '-though savvy', I think 'although' would make the line flow a tad better - but that is just me and this is your poem and a wonderful one indeed... we all need to be able to make fun of ourselves, and you have done it in a brilliant way, I enjoyed reading this very much!
Keep writing
Polly
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