Sugarcoated lies
Unworthy shifty eyes
Gay words for his sake
Another promise broken and faked
Rare jewels there lay
Covered in rust they'll stay
Overpowering lies ensnail
Another honest word fails
True, dishonesty prevails
Engulfed in hate they stay
Dead morales there lay
Lies twisted and faked
In all glory and sake
Enough of dishonest eyes
Sugarcoated lies
Author notes
This is not my normal writing style. Just thought i would try something different this time....let me know what you think...also..***NOTE*** this poem can be read backward..from the last line 2 the 1st..i actually like it better that way...thoughts..
Ale E
A contest entry
- Give me you by Xx Secrets xX.
600 points, ended February 1, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Masking the Imperfections by Fairies on Fire.
519 points, ended February 2, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Be Original, more points to come by katie-jo.
700 points, ended March 15, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - all the prewrites you want by serenity silvermoon.
600 points, ended March 29, 2008, 150 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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you revealed the lies to bring the truth of life.. well sketched piece you brought my friend..well done and thanks ...
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I definitely agree with Fairies on Fire---your rhyme is incredibly forced and sound strange. And if you read it backwards it doesn't make any sense at all.
Thanks for the entry and all the best in the contest. -
honestly, I thought the rhymes in this were a bit forced and odd sounding. Rhymes are best read as if they'd jsut trip off the tongue naturally. Maybe try inline rhyme if you're a real rhyme person, cause a lot of these sounded like the word was only in because it rhymed and for no other purpose. I did like the way it could be read both ways, defiantly a technique to use again. xxx
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I love this piece...sorry my comment won't be long....good luck in my contest
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The creativity is amazing, and the message comes through really clearly. I enjoyed reading this.
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Original and awesome how it reads top to bottom and bottom to top.
.♥.
Best of luck in the contest
Stay safe
~Manda
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(='.'=) ♥
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I liked the cadence...
and its originality...
The rhymes used made it musically enticing...
It's a powerful poem, my dear!
Galaxy2
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Ha, that's awesome. What style is it? I read it backwards, and I think I like the regular way best, but it still fit.
I thought it was very good.
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