When was that final day, when dreams were wrapped in sulphured smoke
as Jack stoked up the boiler with his final spade of coke?
I never took a moment, never kissed that age goodbye.
I just remember watching, as my dreams curled to the sky.
I wish I could step back in time, revisit just to see
those hidden faces glimpsed through steam, hands waving back at me;
a little girl in buttoned boots who watched the trains pass by.
Which day was that? How many dreams have vanished in the sky?
I need to grasp that moment but my memory slips away.
I want to be that girl again and make that moment stay.
But time has crept unnoticed; it's too late we can't go back
to the happy days of childhood, spent near that railway track.
In a list
A contest entry
- A prompt to flair your muse by Lavender Butterfly.
450 points, ended January 24, 2008, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme And Meter by Frodofan.
600 points, ended August 15, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Only Rhymes please # 2 Remember when we played. by januaryrain.
700 points, ended January 23, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Down Memory Lane #176 at Winklings for members and AP generally by Lyndon.
1810 points, ended May 2, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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memories
Ah yes I too remember waving to the train drivers and they always waved back. We thought the new diesel trains were exciting children love progress and things that are new. it's only when old that nostalgia kicks in and those sights and sounds that link us with our childhood and we remember the carefree good times that never will return.
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Beautiful! An excellent write, straight from the soul....I'm not even old enough yet to have proper memories, but I could feel the edge of something tagging at my heart. Excellent =)
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I never took a moment, never kissed that age goodbye.
I just remember watching, as my dreams curled to the sky
You won me over with the title, i too love history and a passion for nostalgia despite my tender years
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Nostalgia perfectly done
I also do nostalgia - the gap between the cradle and the grave!
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Thank you for your kind comments, much apprecuated
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Funny how some things get better as time takes them further away, like the train? But that waving girl in the button boots makes your write. Such wonderful nostaligia.
Congrats on your gold trophy.
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Made to order poem
for this contest. I used to run to my aunt's veranda when I heard steam trains choof across a far-away bridge.
Yers, I guess country kids of the 1940's have fond memories as I have. Lovely poem although I cannot see the purpose of the semi-colon in the final line.
Thank you, poet, for entering this contest. Goodluck and best wishes.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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Beautiful
This has alot of imagination in it. I can almost see the past. My best line was this : wish I could step back in time, revisit just to see
That would be cool if people could do that. I wish i could.Anyway i love this poem!
Lana
x
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Great wordage!!
Unusual choices that are refreshing. I come from a family that loves trains...one of the most beautiful sounds...that train whistle in the distance...
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wonderful write
bittersweet memories thanks for sharing this one
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Excellent, the flow and rhyme are perfect, telling a story most all can relate to. I grew up in the suburbs but we lived near the traintracks. I love those old whistles, the haunting sound of them in the night, that's the memory you brought back for me.
Well done. -
Excellent
Not only is this is a delightful reminiscence, by writing a rhymed poem in ballad meter, the entire tone and feel of the poem underscores the memory of a simpler time.
This form suits your style well: the seven syllable line gives you the necessary wiggle room to not only tell your story with vivid imagery, but to slip the rhyming words in naturally, so that it reads as natural as prose.
The animation is a great choice, as well: an animated block print.
You've pulled together an excellent poem here; I'm sorry that I have no criticism for you. You're going to make me work harder from now on, I reckon.
~Epistomolus
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This is beautiful. It really takes the reader back to this time in your life, and in the life of the country, where you could have all these dreams and you truly believed that they would come true. I really like the old country feel of this poem, since I love that atmosphere and environment. I wish I was born in the country, and could have seen the things you talk about here, but I'm from a pretty boring suburb myself. But I like that the reader can get a sense of a different life through your words. Great job
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Flowing, evocative, rhyming! Depending on where you live, though, there is a possibility of going back, in a way--steam excursion trains are still out there, to ride or to watch--the enthusiasts will never let them die! Nothing like the aroma of coal smoke and the whine of the turbogenerator!
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at a loss for words...
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This is brilliant!
Being a rhyming poet I really liked/loved this, I found this in a group list “Rhyme and Meter Workshop” there are a lot of poems there that don’t Rhyme I skipped them but I stopped when I came across to this one, my mind really wanted to read something that rhyme with no free verse…
This was brilliant it has a rhythm and it flows very very well, it also told a great story in a beautiful way, the rhyming was excellent… CONGRATULATIONS on your Gold Trophy win, it really deserved that
I’ll give you 3 of these because you deserve it
Thanks for sharing and God bless you
Shuberth
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Nice and nostalgic. Well written and personal. Thanks for entering.
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Outstanding
This is full of nostalgia for days gone by and has great flow and it is nice to read a poem that tells a story. Congratulations on the gold trophy.
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This is captivating and I certainly can see why it won a gold trophy. Bravo! Keep it up!
Love,
Amera♥
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Brilliant
Speachless...will you stop smothering my commenting capabilities Cuz???
Loved the Railway Children.
Congrats yet again
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This is fabulous. Great rhythm and flow and wonderful meaning therein... Thanks ever so much for sharing... x Love and light, Lavender Butterfly.
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Great Write !
As usual, your rhythem amd rhyme are so very good The imagery used is wonderful. I wish you all the best of luck in this contest 
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