Hidden in her
words and eyes
young beauty
sinfuly hides
cravings of lust.
Author notes
The Picture that inspired this poem. http://athines.deviantart.com/art/III-28354328
Maybe it does or doesn't say in the picture that she's trying to mask lust but thats just what I saw. I may or may not be right.
A contest entry
- 13 Words. Picture Contains Slight Nudity by Exodus.
386 points, ended January 25, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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nice job...think it did work well with the picture.
i liked it a lot..
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Thanks I'm glad ya liked but I cant really say the same for myself. I liked my rewrite a lot better but didn't get a chance to post it until the contest was over but oh well. It happens that way sometimes. Thanks for your comment.
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I think if you changed the fourth line around to read "hides sinful" it would flow better but other than that this was great. You looked beyond the obvious in the picture. Thank you
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"Hiden, tucked away, she conceals her lust in attempts to regain purity lost." How bout that? I think thats actually much better but I didn't come up with it until later and I didn't have access to a computer so oh well.
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