Soldiers of fortune all lost in the war
broken, unspoken and nomenclatured,
draped in plain boxes of cheap pine and flag
bringing stories of glories for no-one to brag.
All cold, calm and quiet on this mourning day morn
the pride and the pregnancy’s fatherless spawn;
the stone and the testament’s whirlwind romance
is slow-march shoe-shuffling in victory dance.
This barren bewilderment aerodrome scene
with polish and buttons and brassware a gleam.
Such pomp and such circumstance deigned to conceal
the fact that the wind wears an ominous feel.
The last post for Christmas came early this year
as bugle and coffin drift terminally near.
Tears sluice in silence as hearts burst inside
where beautiful children and hell doth collide.
For God and for country, for Queen and for cause
our soldiers of fortune lie lost in these wars.
No turkey, no cranberry, cream crackered hat
on the emptiness plate of immortal combat.
So, soldiers of fortune, all lost in this war
unanswered still question of what is it for;
politic, capital, clunk clatter clack,
but some of our soldiers are not coming back.
I said
some of our soldiers are not coming back.
Author notes
The war in Iraq - I am not a pacifist per se and I believed that Saddam was the personification of a weapon of mass destruction who deserved his fate - but I really don't think we know what we are doing there now and worse still, why we are doing it - and that surely is not good enough to lose lives for.
A contest entry
- Though Provoking by Amanda K. Martin.
375 points, ended February 25, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *Intelligent title goes here* by masky.
1800 points, ended April 15, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - War by peregrin.
750 points, ended September 10, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Speak out! by Luna Argintie.
930 points, ended September 9, 2008, 205 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Great work, I really like this write.
Thank you for entering.
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Before I say anything else, I have to thank you for actually sticking to perfect rhythm and rhyming. Not all the contestants did that, but you managed to respect that little rule completely, which I greatly appreciate.
Being from another country (Romania), and haven't taken part to any wars (I'm only 14), I am sure I can not understand the poem the way an adult would, and, probably, the way the poem deserves. But I'll give my best shot, and put my two cents in.
I am completely against war - it's massacring people, to sum it up. Massacring them because some of the leaders can't solve things by talking. The last 3 stanzas and the end were practically my favorites, because they made me understand the meaning of what you've written there, and made me feel the pain of the relatives, waiting at home for their soldiers.
"So, soldiers of fortune, all lost in this war
unanswered still question of what is it for;
politic, capital, clunk clatter clack,
but some of our soldiers are not coming back.
I said
some of our soldiers are not coming back."
(Both the ending stanza and its "echo", to say so)
The way you ended the poem was absolutely superb, summed it up perfectly. As for the grammar, I...'ve got nothing. It's all written correctly, so my work here is done - I have no suggestions.
Thank you so much for your entry, good luck in any other contests you may enter, and...keep pushing this message to people. The world needs it, as we're heading towards a Third World War- and I would hate that to happen.
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Thank you so much for your incredibly kind, thoughtful and intelligent comment. I am so glad that you enjoyed this work, understood its message and communicated your reaction so eloquently. To hear this from one so young heartens me to the core and I pray that as many of the world's young people as possible enter into adulthood sharing your willingness to understand the naked human reality of avoidable conflict. Thank you so much.
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You poem is honest and captures the sense of those who do not agree with the war in Iraq or whichever place else. I can't believe mankind still tries to solve problems through war. Great job, pal!
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good
nice couplets
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powerful stuff...
a lot of good stuff happening here...I did trip up a bit with the rhythm... but the sentiments and power with which they are set forth make this piece worthy..
The U.S.A. and Britain, no matter how well-intentioned they claim their motives to be, did not have the right to invade and occupy another sovereign state...
Bush and Blair really fucked-up...
Mat Larkin
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Excellent write, war is hell and our fighting men are caught between the a rock and a hard place in the face of uncertainty. I empathise in spite of the fact that I was a peace time warrior. Happy trails
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good poem... I really really like this.
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Great eye...I really really love it! Thank you for your comment.
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are you making fub of me?
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I applaud your depiction of the existence of men at war, as well as your questioning the legitimacy of the sacrifices they are asked to make. They are more noble because of their willingness to pay the price trusting that the sacrifices are not in vain. It is for us to remember where they are and what they are giving and question whether the purpose is worth what they are paying. Well done.
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