Her eyes were fixed on something that I was unaware of. Something that was far across the horizon, that squinting for it wouldn't do me any good. I tried to reach out to her but hope seemed to stretch away from me. Her lips parted in this way so I could see this bit of black between them, like some form of atmosphere is dimming to our darkness. It's over i'm in love but that doesn't feel like enough anymore. I could just grasp her and kiss her, but she doesn't feel right. It just feels like she is wanting to remain un-alive. Colors flash upon her pale skin and I try to hold her to bring her away from this, noises get louder, sharper till they start putting needles into my eardrums. I just want to get out of here, with her. She is in some kind of daze and I can't just leave because I know that is the kind of regret I won't want to wake up with.
"I love you" I whispered and her eyes moved to the gravel under her feet. She let her shoes glide a little and her appendiges fell loose. The gap between her lips was shrinking and I threw my arm around her for a moment.
"I love you too" and my arm drops as she begins to walk away from her magnetic horizon. She stops as I move past her, and still seems frozen in something.
"I'll call when i'm away, you know that right?"
"Yea, I understand" Her nails were digging into her upper arm but I didn't say anything about it. There were little white circles surrounding her fingernails and it was becoming apparent that she was hiding something. She was struggling to say something, whither it meant she wanted to strangle me, or to just strangle the world I wasn't sure. I am sure either way it would be deserved.
"Mind if I eat this?" I said looking into her eyelids. I was holding a hamburger, hiding it for a while from her because I wasn't sure if I should eat it with her around. I was hungry and craving it and just wanted her morals to be put aside for one night.
"Do what you want" The white spots turned red and there were crescent indentations in her arm where her nails used to be. She was quiet and it felt too weird to be here. Like it wasn't even her I was with and I was just being aquanted with the air for a night.
I didn't speak and randomly she would say something so she seemed strong. So she could make it seem like she was okay. The part in her lips opened back up and her eyes shined like glass in the moonlight. "Please tell me what's wrong!" I said throwing out the napkins I collected from the hamburger.
"It's nothing"
"It's something" She found a new horizon to get lost in. "Please just tell me?"
"It's not something I can talk about"
"try to" Its like she didn't hear me, and for the first time in weeks her hair was standing still. Pin straight, no strays or bits collected on her clothes, no wind blowing through it, it was standing still.
I didn't know what to do but she started crying quietly and her skin was becoming paler. "Just tell me please"
"I could write it to you?" she is always writing something as uf words spoken out loud have less importance. The only words that matter are the words that aren't said. And she took out her purse and started fumbling though it. She was searching for something. "I have post-its, hold on"
"No, no its okay. Tell me when you are ready to" It got scilent again and I was just mearly floating parallel to her body. It felt awkward and damaging and there was nothing I could do. She put everything back togetehr and there were no more lights on her face. No more part in her lips.
"I've got to go" She was wearing these worn out converse with noticable tears between the canvas and the rubber. Her socks didn't match.
"Goodnight" I bellowed hoping for some kind of happy ending. I kissed her cheek and she faded to some far away doorway. I then in doubt yelled her name until it made sense. She turned around and her eyes more transparent than before she walked back. "I love you" I said
"I love you too" she half way yelled.
" I will call, and it will only be a week, so i'll see you the day I come home"
"Okay"
"I will miss you so much!"
"I will miss you too" her head drops down to the ground and I see her appendiges loosen again. "Goodnight" and again she fades away, into my horizon.
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