The tic
Breaks the skin
Draws the blood
Drains the life
A prick
Once within
starts a flood
like a knife
I feed on thought
Hide in shadows of the unknown
Forging the shackles of the outcast
I'm with you when you're all alone
Angels will not follow here
I the parasite
I am fear
Author notes
I came up with this pretty quickly and so I am not sure it is the best. Any ideas would be appreciated in how I might better the piece.
Does it work?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
I hate tics . . . but you described them very well. I know they've been a real problem with our dogs in the past. I like the twist you created in the end. I don't know what you're talking about. It's a good poem. Doesn't need any improvement.
I will now, however, have to tell you what I have told my friend Frodofan in the past on many occasions. I know you can write now. Now I wait for that one poem that is completely wow. I await to read that one work that has to make the reader stop and just say wow. This will be the last applause you receive from me until you do.
-
Outstanding
I thought you captured the essence of these blood suckers. I liked how you chose imagery that brought them to life. I felt as if I had been bitten. The rhyme pattern is subtle and unobtrusive and added to the poem. I iked your choice of language and the way you ended the poem with a fresh idea. A well-written and thoughtful poem.
-
-
Thank you for your thoughtful review of Parasite. "I felt as if I had been bitten" this is perhaps the best compliment you could have paid me regarding this piece. Obliged.
-
-
I like this final product. Insidious little critters, aren't they? So much damage for being so tiny.
"Once within
starts a flood
like a knife"
This could be describing any disease and the devestation it can cause once it gets a stronghold.
I love the symbolism of your poem also, and how it can be interpreted in different ways.
-
-
You have acute abilities of interpretation! In a way the poem describes fear, but when I came up with the idea it was meant to encompass addictions and diseases as well. Perhaps my one reservation about it is whether I should identify what the parasite represents.
-
-
I think it's fine that you identify the parasite with fear; it points out the symbolic aspect of the poem, to those who read and interpret it more concretely.
-
Fear can be considered a form of a disease also. I think it is good to leave the poem open to the reader's own projections and interpretation. That's the beauty of art; there's what the artist meant, and yet there is so much more; maybe even meanings were subconsciously represented by the artist to be interpreted by the reader. It's a two-way, ongoing relationship that way.
-
-
-
Wow! Quick, simple but extremely effective. I love the flow and preciseness of this poem.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
