The earth it is breaking,
Our worlds they are parting,
The tide's moving further away,
The mountains are closing
Together again
And I have to be on my way.
The journey to missing you
Starts from today
From the moment a new tear's born.
It comes from the womb
Of the unspoken moments
That bring on the shattering dawn.
The clouds start to cry
And the sky starts to sigh
With a thunderous, hard-hitting sound.
The tears in the sky
Echo tears in my eyes
As the rivers and oceans are bound.
To get through a night
Of the missing you journey
Is always a struggle in vain.
I'd rather track one million
Miles of desert
Than travel this journey of pain.
The sun is so cruel
And the moon's uninviting
And I am a planet apart.
I'm lost between worlds
But my gravity circle
Can't hold the weight of my heart.
The world it is falling,
The universe calls me
To start on the missing you trail,
The longest of journeys-
A sentence deserving
To make up for love that I failed.
A contest entry
- I by N e a r.
2300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 220 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Your Best! by Metaphorist.
600 points, ended February 7, 2008, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything To Do With Love, Good or Bad by Blooming Poet.
385 points, ended February 12, 2008, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 25 and under by silverscent.
460 points, ended February 12, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prose by whiterabbit..
335 points, ended March 4, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn those Honorable Mentions to GOLD!!! by Charity Ann.
550 points, ended February 14, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Originality With Meaning by The Slant.
525 points, ended February 29, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Everything! by Uncle Haku.
1400 points, ended March 10, 2008, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes. by still.she.waits.
600 points, ended April 1, 2008, 113 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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the title captured me, but the poem didnt. as a whole, it seems cliched to me. the personification of the different aspects of nature are a little to much. maybe less would make it less cliched
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I enjoyed this read a lot. It uses some very unique metaphors. You and a few other authors are making me reconsider my slight preference for non-rhyming poetry. However, as was pointed out, there are a few places where you get a little cliche.
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the tears from the sky echo tears in my eyes is a little bit cliche.
the last stanza is really good. pretty write. -
You captured so eloquently the feeling of utter hopelessness in devastating loss. When you are truly in love, the moment of parting feels as if you are being torn in two. Why shouldn't the world around you feel the loss as well? How can the sun still shine, the planets continue on their paths, the tides still ebb and flow... It just seems unfair. It feels as if the universe should pause, and out of respect, give your sorrow a moment of silence. Nicely captured. This was the whipped cream on the ice cream sundae at the end of my AP day. Thanks!
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has it worked now?
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Im new so I don't know how to give applause, i will try though
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There is so much about this poem that I love. 1. The title is so poetic....it caught my attention straight away on the shamelessly promoted, it is so original....the journey to missing you...it sounds so flowing. 2. The rhyming, I love poems that rhyme and have flow to them. 3. All the comparisons to love ending being like the end of the world, it is so moving. It feels exactly like this when you leave someone, I can relate to it so much. Thankyou for sharing this piece of poetry.
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This broke my heart! Utterly beautiful.
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I've commented on this one! I think I know who you are...but I'm not sure...hmmmm...anyway, the poem. How sad to realize at the end of a relationship all the painful ways you helped it to fail while simultaneously realizing how desperately you need that person. I've been there. Your really communicate your depth and your emotions in this poem. I really like it. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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This is really good. I enjoyed the imagery and I like the way that you use nature to describe everything. great job and thanks for entering.
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Missing someone is so hard and I know the pain you must feel. the way you put your pain to words though is amazing
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Read it before, still love it. Thanks for entering.
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Good luck in the contests... this is a very touching poem... you have written it beautifully... the imagery is beautiful... and I like how you have left some parts deliberately for the reader to imagine themselves... brilliantly done
Keep writing
Polly -
Wow...how sad. Been there...what a moving poem. Thanks for sharing and good luck in your contests.
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congratulations. you've just made my night. wonderful work
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A beautiful song. I would love to hear this sung to music. You have pulled nature's beauty into this journey to heartbreak beautifully. Very nicely done. A pleasure to read and enjoy. ~Pamela
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Your feels just shine through this poem - I am caught up in this poem's web. It sounds as if you are comparing not only how you feel, but also how the "end of the world" would be like. Well, that also would account for your feelings, because that's how it might seem to you.. the end of the world.
Astonishing write. I have enjoyed this read very much.
Thanks for sharing & entering my contest A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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You're right...you rhyme very well! I like the title and I especially like the last 3 lines. They are moving.
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This was just so good.
It reminds me of that old Poco song that goes...
The sun comes up without her,
it doesnt know she gone.
.. from the moment a new tear is born..
There is just so much I like about this.
The absolute resignation of what I feel you were always prepared for.
Great title. I sometimes think that is an art form in itself.
Brilliant and heart felt.
Totally enjoyed it. Don't change a thing.
MANY BLESSINGS GYPSY
LOWELL POE
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So many wonderful images in here...from the tear coming from the womb (crying can be incredibly painful and it tends to begin with a tension in the stomach area) to the heart-breaking metaphor in the last line. Just superb!
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Wow. That was amazing. Your imagery! wow. that is all I can say. You are a very talented writer I may say. Very very good. What you have done here, how you said what you said - is just simply amazing.
I just don't know how else to put it =/
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Standing "O"! This is my favorite part: From the moment a new tear's born.
It comes from the womb
Of the unspoken moments
That bring on the shattering dawn.
Stunning imagery and so very well-written. It was almost a song and left me wanting more.
Wolfie
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Outstanding
A great poem with fine flow and a sense of sadness. I liked the imagery in this poem and the metaphors you used. This had a lyrical quality that I admired. An interesting and well-written poem.
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Love the Imagery of Pain in this! Every stanza, well executed! ~~pithy.
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The world it is falling,
The universe calls me
To start on the missing you trail,
The longest of journeys-
A sentence deserving
To make up for love that I failed.
Oooo my you have expressed a pain I have been feeling for years only this new year it is even deeper and wider and the calling is pulling me so hard I can't breathe any longer. It is a journey for me in leaving a man I love with all my heart but is not good for me, my husband. I push away the pain and numb over too well but I know when the missing you trail begins I will cry a million tears. He won't understand why I had to do what I did. It is a journey I have been on many times for the good of another...the worst type of pain....to make up for love that WE failed.
Bless you
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Not bad at all. I kinda have mixed feelings about some of the images though. I thought some were genius, but others are phrased a little awkward. "My gravity circle can't hold the weight of my heart" is such a great line, but then "the missing you journey" sounds a little funny to my ears. Still, it kinda fits with the title, which I like. Lessee, I think "the journey to missing you" sounds awesome, but for some reason "the missing you journey" sounds awkward." Well, small matter, you did a great job with this one!
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This is beautifully written
Something I can relate to, the journey to missing the one you love after it has failed is a long one.
A beautiful heartfelt write.
Welcome to AP
~sugar~
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