Often life appears to be a race,
Where horses gallop, and I be one!
And many around me count on me.
Whilst I gallop from start to end,
They claim to win or lose.
People around me think of me,
As a horse who ought to run;
As one who ought to win them laurels,
Whilst they simply shout and cheer,
And I be the one under the burden.
Like an ass that bears gold,
Am I shown the path that leads
To theirs and not my destiny;
And after having sweat under their business,
They take the load and turn me off,
Like to the empty ass to shake his ears,
And graze amongst the commons!
When others bank on me,
I think not of the right or wrong,
But do just as they tell me to;
For what they say is right to me,
And what they don't is wrong.
For once, I wish to live my life,
Not for those who count on me;
Not for the world that doth surround me,
But for the soul that lies within me,
And 'counts on me' to do the right.
Author notes
well, this is my first free verse!! so, plz tell me what u think about it...!!
I don't have much to say about the poem, but that i might be able to explain the poem better when i myself reach the last stanza of the poem!
by the way, that idea of the ass that bears gold and is later on left to graze among the commons has been taken from shakespeare's julius caesar...! i'm doing this book in school right now, so it probably just inspired me too much!!!!
for the contest by Anne Marie: OPTION 3
for the contest by Loveandblessings2u: I have always written rhyming poems, whereas this is my first free verse. Also, i usually write short poems, but this is relatively a longer one. Plus, I have never before written about a situation that i had been facing... this is one about something that i feel presently.
A contest entry
- Picture Contest!! by Anne Marie.
500 points, ended February 12, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The opposite of your usual style of poetry by Loveandblessings2u.
950 points, ended January 25, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love poetry??? Show it and have fun!!!... by Mekhala.
405 points, ended July 8, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What doth thou think?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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With this poem you show to all of us your still hidden strength to write something different. I like your metaphors and used phrases... Great done!
~Sonja~
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thanks a lot sonja for taking out time to go through my poem.. and thanks for the suggestion also which u gave through the im.. i'll definitely keep that in mind, although in this one, in the 3rd stanza, i just used the language shakespeare used in his julius caesar, and he did tend to repeat words!! lol... well, thanks for taking interest
take care.
keep in touch
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It's lovely poem.
Keep penning.
Take care
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thank u uncle..!!
i'm not really able to write these days, nor be regular at AP coz of my boards... they'll be finishing by the end of this month...
haven't had a talk wid u since a long time.. hope to catch up as soon as my exams are over..!
take care..
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Knew you not Lepidus?
bhot achchi poem hai yaar.. noi seesly!
kaafi kuch lepidus (from julius caesar) ki types haalat hai tumhari..
khair, one thing i think can be bettered:
"But for the soul that lies beneath me,"
>"But for the soul that lies WITHIN me,"
thats where the soul is, not sitting under ur bottoms!
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I enjoyed reading this poem. I feel a lot of people will be able to relate to this poem, i tend to think about others before myself and so try to please as many people as i can. At the moment its something im trying to stop doing as im thinking more about others than i am myself which is stopping me do what i want to do.
The Flow is great and i loved the last stanza:
"For once, I wish to live my life,
Not for those who count on me;
Not for the world that doth surround me,
But for the soul that lies beneath me,
And 'counts on me' to do the right."
Thank you for entering and good luck
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glad to know u enjoyed the poem!
and it's nice to know that i'm not the only one who feels i tend to do stuff thinking of others first... coz earlier i used to think i was a hypocrite or smthing... but now i feel it's something many ppl r facing... and like everyone else(probably), even i am trying to improve on it...
thanks for reading and commenting!!
take care.
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I think a lot of us live our life trying to do what others want us to do, and in doing so we miss out on so much. We cannot please all the people all the time. As I grew older I came to realize that my life was just that " my life ". I will always care for other and their happiness, but now mine comes first.
As long as you know right from wrong, then I say just follow your heart and live to make your self happy.
You have done real well with this piece.
loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
Good Luck ~~~ -
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thanks for taking out time to put forward ur views. all the best with ur contest.
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well for your first free verse it is a good. Take time to write poem where you are not the explicitly declared subject. It gives a better impression. But this is only my personal view. Continuto write more and your style will become better.
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et tu shivani !! then applaud akshat
aye shivanius..
thou doth writeth good !!
nice poem..nice level maturity shown..which i hadn't in 10th...so good for you to have it...
cool last stanza...
good
may my applauds speaketh for me
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thanks for all the nice things u said (itni tareef aap se!!! fascinating!!)
and i see you've picked up a lot of shakespearian too!! well, suits you, especially considering u ppl for the lit. papers 2day!! macbeth sure doth inspire thou as doth julius caesar inspireth me!!
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