no one told them what a mess i have made
why the sun is so hot and treeless shade
swallowing up so much of the land,
then there is the air we breathe
makes me misty and makes you sneeze
and reach for a cool drink of water
reaching for a cool drink of water
[refrain]
well that may be the biggest thing yet
as i tug a hole with my cigarette
world startin to feel a bit dry
and that may be the big surprise
one day soon a purple sunrise
and voices cryin to the shallow sky
And so i hide my troubled "why's"
and i go where i can feel pride
of knowing i have done something right
look into the eyes of a child, so bright
and i tell my self there's still a while
to fix this mess, clean up this awful pile
before we no longer have a place to hide
before we no longer have a place to hide
Author notes
Prompt: Where's your hiding place?
Listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLtjaUNq6r8
In a list
A contest entry
- Favorites Only- Hiding Place by Rowan.
1750 points, ended February 10, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Actually I love the title and the flow is smooth all the way through. Leaves me thinking about the future of our generation and what will become of the earth if we continue on our destructive path. Very well written and delivered to the readers eyes. Generally I don't like the small "i" although I myself have used it on occation and it works well here. The repeat of the last line is also effective as well.
Becky
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thank you Becky
I dont write lyrics often, wish I could do more...because I think there is something about words and music that makes us all react a bit more...thank you for you thoughtful comments, sorry for the small I, a bad habit...PK -
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Oh no the small "i" is fine sweetie. Like I said, I myself use it and the use of it is effective in this poem as it brings focus to the small detail of what you are talking about. It is a wonderful poem and I do read you often...shame on me for not commenting more
You are a wonderful writer.
Becky
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Sigh~
I could sing along with this...and dance as well...even the first time I read it...
I really love this and bookmarked to read again...on days like today when my heart needs healing or my lashes need to dry
Lynda
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This feels like more than one hiding place...
I really, really liked this one. I'll be back
Thank you.
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thanks for a great contest, wonderful poetry here...PK
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