Her sweet love reminds me of flowers.
I don't need her tomorrow, but nowers.
She really makes me feel groovy,
like that Mona chick at the Louvie.
She's hot, hot, hot, like a jalapeno squirt.
I would cut off my ear, but it would hurt.
Her love is a towel
cooling my weary browel.
My love is a sponge.
On our love raft,
we will plunge.
She's just so . . . unusual,
I can't find the right word.
Her hair is so . . . you know.
Her nose is so big, though.
And that name . . . Penelosquat McSchmultzerd.
In a list
A contest entry
- Doggerel and Bathos by Keith.
460 points, ended January 6, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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LOLZ!
♥I think I'm in love with this poem.♥ Seriously. You actually had me laughing out loud, a hard thing to accomplish.
"I don't need her tomorrow, but nowers."
and
"I would cut off my ear, but it would hurt."
Those are my two favorite lines. Priceless. Awesome job with the awfulness. Truthfully, I think it is so awful that it is great! Wonderful job!
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This should have won
"I would cut off my ear, but it would hurt."
Priceless.
How awful is this poem? Let me count the ways.
Congrats on the silver.
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Thanks, Easyrider. That's my favorite line, too.
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Good job with the contest. It wsa weirdly good for being so horridly bad... I acctually kind of liked it... even though for poetry it was horrible
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Congratulations on having beaten me in a contest, Mark. But it was a doggerel contest and so you had a an unfair head start!
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Edna,
Just couldn't resist, could you? lol It's okay. I recognize a good shot when I receive one. I would have said it, too. lol
However, more surprising than receiving a message from you, a rare occasion indeed, is the fact that a writer such as yourself would enter a poem in a doggerel contest since you normally write with such sophistication and class.
Mark
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I think it is the cringingly awful rhymes in the first so-called stanza that make this a winner. Well Done.
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Thanks, Keith, I think. lol Fun contest. Happy New Year, buddy.
Mark
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more funny than awful...but then it could be awfully funny? Best of luck with it in the contest
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Awful rather than awesome. Even the picture makes me want to vomit. The combination of purple and green is particularly nauseating.
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BWAHAHA. Awesome. I liked the "love raft."
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this is so great...I'm cracking up.
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? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
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it is a cutie more like a comedy poem good job and good luck in the contest Linda
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lol!!! roll-on-the-floor funny! great poem, i loved it
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I think I can pronounce that name.....where i got stuck was actually the surname!
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Hi Aashik,
It's pin-el-uh-squat. lol
"Saucemaker". What a crack-up. Actually, that's the way Arnold himself pronounces it! haha
Thanks,
Mark -
Hi Vivi,
I know what you mean. I've entered this in a few bad poetry contest but have been told the same thing - that it's intentionally bad rather than accidentally bad. lol No problem if it doesn't place. I hope it gave you a laugh anyway.
Mark -
Ooo, some excrutiatingly irritating examples of forced rhyming in this one! However, maybe it's too intelligent for my contest... hmm, we shall see! Thanks for the entry
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How do you prononounce that name of hers? Seems like a tongue twister to me. I don't know but may be my tongue is short...I always pronounce Arnold's surname as SAUCEMAKER!
This was hilarious....it's an exemplary poem to all pimple poets as it very clearly demonstrates the ill effects of forced rhyme!
Anyway it's hilarios but I must admit I've read worse than this, albeit unintentional ones!
Good luck!
Edited on Oct 27, 8:23 because ''. -
this was HORRIBLE! I LOVE IT!!!!
LMAO! -
Roflmbfao
this was well funny, and I'm glad I decided to read it. I think you are cheating, as it is not at all crap, and this contest is for the crapiest poem ever!!!! lol
Great job, good luck, not that I should wish you luck to win a crap poem contest with a very witty and original write. Kxx
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Beautiful, truly beautiful. An ode to a love that can never be captured truly in mere words. Ah, the essence of springtime and flowers and those funny smelling things that go on the end of pencils.
And nowers is my favourite new word. -
It's funny. It's actually funny! I'm smiling Thanks for making me smile...
Love, MJ -
Hi Mickie,
I'm not offended at all. That's a huge compliment. Thanks.
Mark -
lol. I love it. Very clever, but very bad. In a good way. You have succeeded in making me laugh.
~*~Kat C~*~ -
I'm sorry, but this wasn't bad. It was really funny and made me laugh. It takes a good poem to do that. To be honest with you Mark I don't think you could write bad poetry because you've just got so much of a natural talent that it outshines even when you try bad it will work out good. Hope this does not offend you. This poem was just so funny and good not bad.
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Hehehe that was hilarious! Ah the things that drag me away from my drama portfolio I should be doing... *sigh* Well I'd rather read this at least it made me laugh!
Good luck in the contest xxxxxxx
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I started reading this and was like ohhh my what in the world kind of crap is this then went to the top to realise it was under humor and was like thank God! cause I was already laughing your a crack up
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Hey KT,
Really? Thanks for the vote of confidence. You're the coolest.
Mark -
Oh, this is jealous! It wants to be as good as mine!
O.K. this is actually far and away (like the movie?)
better than mine.
Um...I think you are gonna win.
KT -
Hey Yemassee,
Oops, sorry! I forgot to change the comment section since I had my own bad poem contest. That one was strictly for love poems, though. Thanks for giving me the chance to dust this one off. It was a great release for me to write about Penelosquat and get this out of my system after the number she did on me. lol
Mark -
So you had a dumb contest too, lol. This is a hard one to judge. True it is goofy, but it is fun to read, and it'sfunny and inventive. so how do I decide? I know I'll flip a coin. This may be too good for this contest Thanks for entering.
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LOL I like this. Where did you Ever come up with that name? It was the name that drew me in to read the poem. Then the last name is just over the top!! Very cute and I like the refference in it to art and artist.
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You are a philosopher with a very, very good sense of humor!
I really laughed reading this poem! 'Mona chick', man!
Very amusing!!!! Bring more of your fine humor!
Mari
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jalapeno squirt? lmao
omg this is horribly entertaining
Some how I missed this contest... how'd I do that..I have a lot of prewrites I could have entered lol
This is adorable
Gypsy
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Okay this is just hilarious!!!
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Very silly poem here. Well, im glad u cant vote for urself because you would sure beat me!!
"She's just so . . . unusual,
I can't find the right word.
Her hair is so . . . you know.
Her nose is so big, though.
And that name - Penelosquat McSchmultzerd."
This is my fav part!! So good at making it sound like u were lost for words here!!
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I ain't gonna vote fer ya either, Mark, even though this is just about the most hideous thing I have ever read! You already know my favorite line....the jalapeno squirt gets me every time! LOL! Also really howled over "like that Mona chick at the Louvie"....it truly takes talent to write something this bad, so 'tis no wonder I consider you a genius with the pen! You are such a goof, thanks for playing along and putting this in the contest!
LOL at you! ~Janet~
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Mark this is so funny. And you both came up with such a fun contest! Yay for you both.
~*Destiny*~
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