To The One I Love With Honesty

Staple your lips shut,
Choke back your own liquid mortality,
Shhhhh,
Everything's going to be okay.

...Is what they tell me,
And they
won't hold me.

But I have hidden in corners
Far narrower than
Their unsuspecting minds.
I didn't find solace there,
And I can't feel it now.

I have abandoned
Every chair that has felt the weight
Of my diminishing sanity;
Washed with chemicals
The missing panes of windowframes
I have looked through with more than my eyes
Nursing the faint hope that I was ..hallucinating;
No:
Just dizzy with fear,
In a calm sort of way.

I'd shake your hand
And you'd never know mine shakes all the time
Involuntarily
Like a letter bearing bad news
That wants to slide through the cracks of its mailbox.
I didn't sign up for this.

But..

What is it about
Mourning sunshine and
Quiet hallways,
Dusty windows baring glass teeth
In the raw face of February winds
That encourages me to ignore the petty details
And notice subtle differences;
Dust,
Not dirt...

What is it about thoughts of you
Coaxing smiles when I can't laugh?

Taking sweet eternity
Has always been just fine with me,
As long as you never say the word
Maybe
Because I love you has never been an easy lie for me to tell.