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Infidels

We gathered shreds of
Tattered rules and fashioned them
Into gold bracelets.

Author notes

[shrug] enjoy. =)

A contest entry

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Comments


  • azure85 gold member
    January 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Welcome to our haiku workshop!

    We gathered shreds of
    Tattered rules and fashioned them
    Into gold bracelets.

    I agree with Polly's comments, it is a run-on sentence, and not a fragment and phrase. You need some sense images, something tangible-you have that in L3. Can you do that for L1 & 2?


  • Pollycheck
    January 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    We gathered shreds of
    Tattered rules and fashioned them
    Into gold bracelets.

    TRhank you for entering out haiku workshop. Although this describes very vividly a subject, it seems more of just a statement that is broken into 3 lines. The haiku should consist of a sense images in the present tense rahter than statements. It should be like a snapshot in time.