Green Eyed Monster

A wide eyed little child
Just as innocent as can be
Who'd of known you'd become wild
Now no one could stop you...
Not even me.

I had good intentions, I had your confidence in mind
I wanted you to be empowered, to never be afraid.
Until somewhere down the line
When one of us had to cave
I decided to change my mind
And you looked on, just amazed
I guess I missed all the signs
Now neither one of us can be saved
And to today it blows my mind,
That you're willing to do just about anything-
-so long as you get paid.

Then the shit hit the fan,
But in my defense I've done all I can
You're too erroneous, I can't rationalize with you anymore
Do you know how much I've sacrificed?
How much I've given?
Yet, it's just as well, I'm out the door.

Driving down the street at night,
I kind of miss when we used to fight,
In a sick way it was easier to hate,
Then to try and pick apart emotions that no one could relate.
It was taboo to think of you sympathetically,
Mainly because that's why we ended so tragically.

I've created a monster, a horrible, vulgar, self-destructive drone.
And although I am now here, writing this all alone
I'd like to think that you're still in there
Though it's naive wishful thinking that proves too much to bare.

You're killing me, you know that?

And those eyes aren't as wide as they used to be...
Thinking back it's hard to believe
That those eyes would ever stare back at me,
With care,
respect,
maybe even admiration...

Starring into those eyes,
I've finally come to realize,
It wasn't you I was trying to assist-
Selfishly, it's always been about me...
Always about me, and my success.

I felt the compulsion to validate myself vicariously through you,
I've taken advantage of you in ways...God, if you only knew...
I'm sorry for the things I've done,
Out of all the wars we've waged, no one has ever won.
From blue to green, kind to mean, I've watched you change.
It's all beautiful, disturbing, and strange.
But worst of all, inadvertently,
It's because of me.
That you're not the innocent little girl anymore,
I've lost her-
Now you're just a tragic, crowd-pleasing whore...
I created a monster...

-J