Upon the opaque notes
of the Cello
I drift, a body caught on the
thick waters where the Jordan empties
lifeless.
From that sea,
from that torrid sea,
the Kraken rises obdurate,
to obliterate the song,
and quiet its conductor
fearfully.
Play on,
play on chorus of the muse,
narrate with your voices,
the destruction of the city,
by the sea.
I will tip toe
among the cutting glass,
bled upon the waters of your
sea, and my tears will
find there cousins
in the sea.
Upon the strained notes
of the violin
I will drown the screaming voices
victims of the Kraken in the sea.
Dream onward,
dream onward of the quiet,
let the notes rest quiet
as the sea,
and let the voices sleep,
let them sleep--
on the moonlit waters
of the sea.
A contest entry
- Here Be Nightmares by Xmas16.
440 points, ended July 9, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The sea by Farewell My Lovely.
650 points, ended July 13, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Very interesting
I enjoyed this as a nice respite from a day of writing [commercials]. You took me away, transported me to a different place within your mind, which is my mind, which is the world. {or maybe I'm reading too much into it} In any case, I enjoyed it. Couple typos you may want to fix:
line 21 - "their" instead of "there"
line 19 - did you mean "bleed"?
Write On!
jIM
-
Hm. There is a softness to your poetry; and it seems to be uniform throughout the other works of yours that i have read as well. I like the second stanza. "torrid sea">>>makes me think of boiling water. And "Kraken".>>love that. I used that word in a poem of mine. A great way to depict despair & darkness, yada, yada.
Liked this.
~Pt
-
This is great, i like your use of the Kraken representing the terror of the sea. This conjures a great sense of melancholy. Well done.
-
It's a good poem and I like the imagery you have in it. You can interpret this work a lot of ways and I like how you went with it.
-
Sad and imploring
I very much enjoyed this poem
And peace be with you
-
I play the cello =o)
Nice poem.
Melikes.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
