In the snow I walk home
In dim shadows of grey and white
Down the road so clearly shown
As the day yields to the night.
As I pass the houses, I feel the stares.
I can see faces of my past
Looking from windowless squares.
Oh, how I wish they were glassed.
But, in this desolation I am alone.
For my only companion is a bitter wind.
In it, soft whispers are blown
Reminding me that I have sinned.
Author notes
Written: January 23rd, 2008 by Ringside
This is a metaphorical piece about the travel taken after death. This is what I thought the walk may be of a man not going to heaven.
I've received a great deal of suggestions that I should change the background. This picture is almost identical to the image that I had in my minds eye while I wrote this piece. All i can suggest is to highlight the piece if you are not able to read it.
In a list
- 2. Trophies-Silver • next in list
- Metaphoric • next in list
- 4. Trophies-Honorable Mention • next in list
A contest entry
- What's your view...? Can you accept mortality? by Forlorn Dreams.
525 points, ended February 3, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your best, most beloved write by Austere.
2300 points, ended February 10, 2008, 33 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My First Contest by Dave Powell.
450 points, ended March 7, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 59 of 59
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this poem represents prejudice frrom the people who dont understand and the words draws a picture the state of your mind and heart.it is great and i loved it
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excellent write
But, in this desolation I am alone.
For my only companion is a bitter wind.
I wish I had written this line excellent write
but i would change the background, while a lovely scene
it takes away from your words
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The background made this a difficult read, as the text is so very narrow, but when I could make out the poem, I thought this to be brilliantly written. A few rhymes felt a little forced, but other than that, I liked the flow, alliteration and most of the rhyme. The rhythm was near perfect, and the idea the poem carried never lost strength. Great write.
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Ouch! I can feel the guilt that you've carried in your own life, it's so vivid in this poem that it makes me want to walk with you and shelter you from their glares and their stares. Who are these people who judge you so? Didn't someone say once that you shouldn't judge someone unless you are sin free, and who after all, is sin free? Wonderful job on this poem, I hope you continue to write because you've shown a lot of talent in this one. The only thing I would tell you to do is to watch the background and make sure that you can read the poem over the background, because this one was a bit hard to see.
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The theme is excellent and the poem is so short, but it delivers the mood and emotion precisely. Very good job.
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nice
very depressing. it speaks to me. it doesn't say much but its definately saying something to me and it sounds gooooooooood -
Great poem!
It kind of reminds me of a Christmas Carol, how the character can see faces of his past and all.
Very haunting, but beautiful none-the-less!!!
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a heart in repentence returning home to a life full of hope...
excellent work... -
Nice. i didn't get it at first, but then i read the authors notes and reread it. now i get it. made sense to me eventually. good write.
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oh wow..this is amazing and brings back this nostalgic sad feeling of walking past peoples windows gazing in and having my own happy memories slammed into my face and that hollow empty feeling that that brings about. You have a beautiful writing style that makes it easy for the reader to follow and invokes strong imagery and feelings.
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Im just going to pretend I know what your talking about. It sounded sad, and i wonder what the sin was?
Any way i liked the sentence structure for this, keep it up. -
sin
what sin have you commited, that so haunts you? -
This actually makes the reader feel the lonliness that you are so beauifully describing
"But, in this desolation I am alone.
For my only companion is a bitter wind"
that line actually made the whole feeling palpable to me, great job!
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Very ghostly and lonely. I really like it; you can just think about what the person did to deserve this torture. It has a nice flow to it and good rhyming.
~airy~ -
Fantastic again. I am going to add you as a favorite. You are a great poet. This poem is close to something I would write, so I could relate to almost every line. Great piece. ~mandie~
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Engaging
As usual when I see your name I'm drawn to check you out.
The poem is great for the background but the font makes it hard to read, for my old eyes. Your rhyming is really good. Keep on entertaining me!
Regards,
Jennifer -
This is really pretty
Kind of haunting, in a good way, if you know what I mean.
I really enjoyed reading it
Keep up the good work!
I'd love to read more from you in the future!
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Coldly refreshing...
Very lonely indeedy. I surely miss the snow, It's currently over a hundred here on the west coast... No snow to be seen! The picture does cool me off a tad though...
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Nice job!
Keep up the good work! -
Deep
That really hits an emotional part of me, I liked it a lot. It read easy and has a nice sound. Great job.
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Walking home as in dying I assume. The last line made me think that anyway. I really enjoyed the imagery and metaphore. [windows without glass] .
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intense
It was a really good write. I thought the way you used the idea of a walk home to show traveling after death was shown very successfully through this poem.
my favourite lines are:
As I pass the houses, I feel the stares.
I can see faces of my past
Looking from windowless squares.
Oh, how I wish they were glassed.
they show so much feeling.
keep writing,
holly x
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In the snow I walk home
In dim shadows of grey and white
Down the road so clearly shown
As the day yields to the night.
really you made me feeling sad
you have reminded me the winter
i dont know how you have written my words but i am happy to read it here..go ahead with your work
specially this part is cool
But, in this desolation I am alone.
For my only companion is a bitter wind.
In it, soft whispers are blown
Reminding me that I have sinned. -
WoW this is pretty deep,
makes one do some thinking.
A walk after death and not walking toward heaven.
I have no clue what I would think it would be like, and I sure hope I do not hvae to find out.
This is a really great piece of poetry.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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This is a very strong piece, with a deep meaning as you described in the AN. I had only read it once when I seen the AN, but as soon as I read it I understood fully. Very good write with a powerful ending; unfaultable!
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This surreal write is strong in imagery. Even before reading the A/N, one gets a feeling of lostness and vulnerability. That it first alludes to a walk home in grey and white lends a certain desolation to the outlook as well. Paneless windows in the wintry scene add to this. Faces of N's past give a sense of retribution.
All in all, I think this is a strong write though I might have liked more hints as to the meaning.
Good write.
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Wow.
Keep up the good work!
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i didn't know it was an after death walk until i read the notes, but i could easily tell it was a walk of a man that is on the wrong path. the pain is obvious.
this is a really good one
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This piece is really quite good, and from the standpoint that you first read it, it really isn't what one would think until you get to your author's notes and then the whole piece takes on a totally different tone. You should be proud of this piece.
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Ooh, I didn't really realize this is a metaphorical piece until I read your author notes. Quite a smart piece this is actually. It grabs the whole context out of the clichéd box where quite some dark poems are imprisoned in
Thank you for the entry, I wish you all the best!
Leander -
I really dig the background on this piece, but it makes it a little hard to read the text without highlighting it. But I did enjoy it
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This is a sobering write with much sincerity and honesty. I could assosiate with its content, while also thinking myself 'into' the shoes of him that 'walks home'. Uncomfortableness often brings thoughts, and when 'soft whispers' speak reality - reflectiveness intensifies meaning. I enoyed this write. God bless and my prayers are with you. Frans
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Your words create some very stark image within my mind. Also, I must give you credit as I a not a fan of rhyme I liked the flow of this piece.
Thank you for entering,
best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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wow. i was kind of confused aobut who the narrarator was until i read the author notes. it makes more sense now. i like the last two lines, it makes the poem unique, instead of just a walk in the cold
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This has a mood of sad and contemplative. The background goes very well with the poem, although the font color makes it difficult to read. I was able to read it though. I got the impression it was about a ghost, trapped between two worlds, forever condemned to walk down the once-familiar streets of life. Good write!
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Yes, Frost may have written so
as he often went deeper than a lot of people realize as in his contemplation of ending life in the 'Snowy Woods' poem. A contemplation of Hell, although I cannot contemplate it, could well be as you picture it. Certainly, the poem can be read as a literal Hell-on-earth through its drear, lonely, haunting quality. Your poem, undoubtedly, is a metaphor for an unrewarded afterlife. There is the theme of "We reap what we sow".
Thank you, dear poet, for this entry.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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hmm, interesting, but, i wish it were more.. maybe... detailed? like.. deeper.. more discriptive. because i read the AN and the got exactly what your point was.Not that the poem needs to be clearer, just say.. more emotional ? -eleno
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Some interesting thoughts ...
shared in your poem about life after death and that long walk home. I was not able to view it because of the background and had to highlight your words in order to read them. I may be the only one though with this problem but I would much rather see a plain background or one that went along the side. joy
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This is a very bleak and dark poem with some very biting imagery. The concept is very original. I enjoyed reading this poem.
Good luck in the contest! -
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Thank you for the HM!
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Thank you for entering this into my contest. I wish you luck.
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hmm.
Thanks for entering my contest. I thought the poem was about a lost love until I read the author's notes.
Andy -
Wow, this struck me like...
oh goodness can I even say a thing?!
I can relate to this. I'm always
happy when I can. You know how to
put a different look on a simple thought.
I loved it. GOOD LUCK!
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Wow looks like you have been busy entering this one in many contests. Seems to me you must be proud of your work. I suppose that is a good thing. Interesting perspective on the afterlife. I think that someone going to hell would have a way worse afterlife but I guess no one in this life will ever know until they pass on. Either way good write flowed fairly well. The title lured me in so that is good. Good luck and thank you for this entry.
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Liked the presentation of this piece - the background fits in so well with the poem. Good flow, rhythm and rhyme in these lines.
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A bit sad
A nice poem reflecting sadness and an aloneness.
Good luck in the contest.
Jim
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You know
You have written an excellent piece of poetry here. The graphics I just loved . It added so much to the write. again an excellent piece whic this old guy can relate to.
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Hello there and thanks for entering your poem was very good and very well written best of luck to you and thanks again for entering..
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Ooh, the rhyming in this poem is very smooth, and it really adds to the flow. I really love how short it is, but that only adds to the meaning of your words. It's beautiful Thanks for entering!
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wow. this is great.
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Very well written, everyone's hell is different. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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Powerful final stanza, linking abandonment, external and internal, life and death...all of those good things that trigger so much great poetry. You chose an effective form and handle it quite well.
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I really liked this poem, it is great, you did a very good job with this metaphore. I think that you could expand on it a little bit but you have a great piece here. Good luck in my contest.
~Maria -
Thanks for the entry, it's such a truthful if rather abstract poem. very well written.
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This is beautiful, it reminded me of Robert Frost, and the background is perfect for this poem. I really enjoyed your descriptions. Thank you for entering and best wishes!
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I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you for the silver.
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Wow... this write is bone-chilling, and you description set me in your shoes. Your way with words entangled me and stuck in into the poem... and I was trapped.
Exceptional.
Thanks for sharing & entering my contest A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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I guess in death we are alone. It is a solitary experience and we would of course be reminded of sin...but that is why Jesus died in behalf of all mankind. Great Bg btw. Thank you for sharing with the group.
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this is very good wow
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