I finally just stopped asking
There is no point, you see
The times I push him for the truth
He will just lie to me
Or he'll just be half honest
He'll tell me where he goes
But what he's doing with that girl
Just he and God do know
He knows that I am jealous
But how he makes excuse
And when I tell him how I feel
I only light a fuse
"I can't just stop seeing her
You know she's a close friend
Don't let this jealousy pain you
Your little heart will mend"
I don't see why he protects
That girl he cheats me for
He knows it's nothing serious
She's just his little whore
And oh, the way he says it
As if he's blind and dumb
To the fact that I've always known
The shady shit he's done
Why do you stay?, you might ask
Is he that much a catch?
Is the love you have all that strong?
Are you a perfect match?
And to your questions I say
That no, he's not that great
But I keep him 'cause every woman
Wants him on her plate
Yet still I cannot help it
I feel such pain each time
I know he's sleeping in a bed
That's not his and not mine
And though I'm always in pain
I do feel slightly bad
Because that girl just gets a taste
Of what she'll never have
So both sides are depressing
But if you couldn't see
I'm not the girl I said I was--
The other girl is me.
Author notes
One of the realest peices I've ever written.
I never thought I'd be "The Other Girl".
CRITIQUE ME PLEASE
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Well done..
I think, though, that if you re-read, you will see that there are places where the metre and rhyme gets weak and could easily be fixed. Yes, the twist was good, no question.
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Wow, what a twist. This was super crazy, and good!
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Lovely
Wow. This is some intense drama. But I love it anyways!
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Aww, I'm confused... I think this is a good idea and storyline but the ending just made me confused... Maybe I'm just too tired to understand right now. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
animated
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I'm writing in the perspective of a girl who is being cheated on by her boyfriend but reveal at the end that I am really the girl who he is cheating with..
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i must say that for once I can't relate.
I was never the other girl, so I really don't know how it is to be.
In away I guess it's hard for everyone.
This is a really nice piece, I really enjoyed it.
I was reading as part of the contest to help judge
Good luck
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Joyce
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very good...!!!!!
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WOWO OMG it is liek the exact opposite xD I liek it alot!! xD
U bad girl xDF *wags her finger* XD tsk tsk -
so he's cheatin on his chick w/u? dats fkd up u know how bad it hurts to get cheated on?
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I just dont know what to say this is great I really like it and so intrested to know what you still have you are a great writer
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oh wow the last line totally got me.
i was like "STUPID BITCH!" the whole time and
feeling pitty for you, then the last line came and it was like... "oh..." and then i felt bad for both of you.
GREAT JOB!
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Cool yaar... nice feel overall and the emotions are well captured:irritation, jealousy, infatuation, etc.
Though, i sincerely hope ur not the 'other girl'
SOME NOTABLE MENTIONS:
"Are you a perfect match?"
>>Reminds me of one of my poems (though the situation is entirely different, the title is much the same)
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3825347
"Yet still I cannot help it
I feel such pain each time
I know he's sleeping in a bed
That's not his and not mine"
>>the grief and sorrow is really felt here...my favourite lines from the poem
"Just him and God knows"
>>could be:"just he and God knows"
"He knows it's nothing serious
She's just his little whore"
"To the fact that I've always known
The shady shit he's done"
>>liked the dark humour!
"And to your questions I say
That no, he's not that great
But I keep him 'cause every woman
Wants him on her plate"
>>now, how right is that??!
The ending is really nice..takes a twist which speaks of realisation and maturity blossoming in the speaker.
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