Why Do I Write?

Why do I write is like asking why I do think as for me they are synonymous. I started writing when I was teen because I wanted to remember the vivid spiritual dreams I was given. I also played beginning guitar and for fun thought it would be interesting to write my own music. I wrote a few songs somewhat noteworthy and got the support of a few close friends in school who decided to form a band.  None of them sang or played an instrument but we made an appointment with a recording studio for me. My low self worth got the best of me and I was a no show.

That sums up the majority of my life span a "No Show". I spent every other year having four children, got married three times, went through divorces, abusive relationships, single parenting and then debilitating chronic pain and illness that over took my life and nearly my sanity. My artistic dreams ebbed away along with my creativity and that pain was turned inward against my very soul. Now at the age of 45 and within the past few years I've sought to come out of this self abased shell, to imbibe the gift that was given me. In the universe of my brain are a trillion messages bouncing off each other at times smashing like freight trains until I beg my very soul to stop stoking the fire. I've returned to my spirit roots, my spirit gifts and to the teaching of those that can lead me upward, hopefully gaining the ability to look back and smile with ardor.

Writing is not a priviledge to many as I imagine Anne Frank's words so loud and yet so silent, it still is not a book I can get through because I easily become her. The soul must express! It is merely our duty to allow it to chose it's path and let it flow. Writing is painful, cold, numbing, astonishing, fractured, passionate, pleasureable, genius, disgusting, incoherent, powerful, child like..the list goes on. I've not had writing lessons nor have I even been consistant sometimes going years without a pen to a paper but I have never stopped creating in one fashion or another. I will always come home to writing because it is the release of emotions when I feel as if I might decombust and be unware as to why. Thoughts are neither good nor bad only energy that must be transposed so the renderer may move onward to reflect and learn. It is with great hope too that I will give the rare gift of mirroring another soul with that energy.

Oddly I NEVER know what I am about to write or what things lurk within until I start writing. Writing allows me to find the hidden me, the person I am afraid of and proud of, the person that must continually grow through reflection. This is why I must write and I could go on forever.............