still i resent my hands.
your ears continue to peek
through your hair.
and my knee squirms in its socket
wince while i fall into a chair,
close my eyes every time the
wind blows, tap my fingers on
a false wood desk and wish (and yearn for
and hope and pray, and dream, and break
my thesaurus)
that the let down will
lay off.
a partial list of the all the women who have broken my heart:
kelsie once gave me an itemized list of all my defects,
and even had the cruelty of including my clothes (i apologize for the poverty)
sarah was wonderful and nice, and i sat outside a friends house
nursing a strong liquor buzz and a filtered cigarette
while a white truck rocked back and forth parked in the street.
caitlyn was never as interested in me, though she
was fascinated by my interest.
so please don't be you, too
i am not ready for it to be you.
Author notes
roar roar roar
In a list
So.. whats you think about it?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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ok..It's late or early now..so I needed to look through some of your older poems and this title seemed to intrigue me after 4:30am..would love to point out something specific but basically this one makes more sense..kind of scary but that what happens this time of night..Great!
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AWESOME. I think it's my favorite of yours. Heartbreaks suck, and you captured that well.
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once again... i must break out the face...
your titles are ALWAYS so intriguing, and i read them thinking... hmmmm i wonder what andrew is writing about now... then, as always, i get so pulled into your unique style that i normally have to read it again.
you just lay it all out there... and it's SO refreshing. the last 2 lines really simply sum it all up... not ready to go through it all again.
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its another beauty
no no hobo, thats bilious, wtf you tokkin bout willis....i LIKE the parenthesis and the thesaurus reference
i LOVE
'that the let down will
lay off.'
i LOVE
(i apologize for the poverty)
And i double secret probation LOVE
'and i sat outside a friends house
nursing a strong liquor buzz and a filtered cigarette
while a white truck rocked back and forth parked in the street.'
caitlyn was never as interested in me, though she
was fascinated by my interest.
so please don't be you, too
i am not ready for it to be you.
umm i think i put the whole fucking thing in this time
slap my fanny and put your cock on the block boy
you are a quality writer.
pool room.
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Great job
I liked this. It flowed nicely, though the structure itself was jagged. There are only a few things that I see that the poem as a whole could do without. The paranthetical phrase in the large stanza, for instance, could be completely omitted. But that's just my opinion.
Another thing...I don't know if it's just your style of writing or not, but I kind of liked how you didn't capitalize certain words. It gives it a more personal feeling, almost as if you are writing a short memoir.
I liked this a lot, so keep up the good work, poet!
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"so please don't be you, too
i am not ready for it to be you. "
I'm not sure why...but I just loved the ending. It seems sad... -
more like
RAWRRRRRRRRBITCHES
shits, boy. i've gotta go thru this with you:
"and my knee squirms in its socket
wince while i fall into a chair,"
the way you describe things clicks with me. it just does.
"a false wood desk and wish (and yearn for
and hope and pray, and dream, and break
my thesaurus)"
that was just good. clever, you witty bastard, you!
"that the let down will
lay off."
ohhh yes, hillinthebloom shot my feelings on the nose, or should i say, in the heart.
"kelsie once gave me an itemized list of all my defects"
i've been thru that. he numbered them. i think he was up to 300 something before i broke it off. p.s. you dress cool, so, la dee da, hobag?
"sarah was wonderful and nice, and i sat outside a friends house
nursing a strong liquor buzz and a filtered cigarette
while a white truck rocked back and forth parked in the street."
i like the subtly of that, and i'm so sorry. i can't even imagine.
this just really hits me, man. oh, and i'm not actually in love with you if that's what yr thinking. i just can't stop reading yr words. simple as that.
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i know, i know. it is about someone else. but ouch. i wish you thought more of me
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i do. i think the world of you, silly. but i saw what i wrote and realized you could think me a love-crazy female.
setting my cards straight and my pants on, so to say.
alright? that wasn't meant to be a blow. sheesh.
boyy. -
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i just didn't want you to think of me as creepmeister rex.
i am really glad you are so encouraging and cool, i didn't want to fuck it up somehow. -
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psh, you think you could shrug me off that easy?
i'll keep commenting if you keep writing.
...even if you have a rubber hand and an eyepatch and a ranch named after a made up land...
wahhhaha. kiddin'.
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i really like this. especially the first line of the poem and the last two lines of the second stanza.
that the let down will
lay off
that was really powerful. i think its one of those things that is just devastatingly understandable.
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