An unbuttoned word
sheds daylight
to silk ties
fingers clasp
pockets of clouds
stars jangle like pennies
eyes shine
flicker undone
she wears his coat
A contest entry
- twenty five by AJ Morelli.
2500 points, ended February 16, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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i read it twice and had a different feeling each time, but a good feeling of thoughtfulness and purposeful focus on something...thank you...PK
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this is full of wonderful abstractions, great entry Gil
thanks
al -
Wow. I really enjoyed this. When I read it I pictured a one night stand. I am not sure exactly if thats sorta what its about, but it's amazing.
My favorite lines were...
An unbuttoned word
sheds daylight
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thanks for the comment... not a one night stand, but I do enjoy how people see different things to my thoughts and how they might have gotten that...
thank you for passing on by..
Gill.
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How often do we wear a borrowed coat in this life. The stars weigh our eyes shut like pennies on the dead. That is just so profound Gill. Whew. Less most definitely is more here.
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Worthy of Gold! Genuine Thoughts. If I had to pick a winner, this just might be it!
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Nice opening + emotion!
to silk ties fit so well I thought it rhymed with something. wierd...
pennies to eyes? Is this a britishism, or should I complain about how that doesn't make much sense to me?
awesome ending!!! I might combine those two seperated lines into a stanza...
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a few years ago... infact many years ago, they would put pennies on the eyes of the dead... to keep them shut - LOL..
plus, there is an old song called Pennies from Heaven.. so yes, it might be a British thing??? lolol
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Very strong opening two lines...I love every well chosen word and all the images, feelings from this poem...beautiful, Gill..
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love the metaphor and imagery here
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she's some kind of monster
the kind that buttons up the want
the beautiful unkind
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hey there, remember me?
well i'm back, writing and commenting!
this is a great piece you've penned here!
good luck in the contest!
mike
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Love this, Gill.
Really some magical little images that make this a special poem.
I finally got rid of a coat that someone gave me years ago because it wouldn't zip up ... too cold to have an ineffective coat around here
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damn fine write, so much said, I'm with m, simply
beautiful.
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"fingers clasp pockets of clouds" god, that's beautiful...
and she wears his coat... i love this piece
m
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sis, you have said a HELL lot through these 25 words.
wow. your perfection is scary...
love yah!
ps. you are pretty!
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