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Silence

 As I sit here and stare out the window
 I begin to wonder in this deafening silence

 What am I going to do today?

 

 As I sit here and ponder about my future

 I swing to the tune of my favorite song

 Wondering who is out there doing the same thing?

 

 As I sit here and wonder about myself

 I start to figure out and think about

 Why silence is golden for during a movie?

 

 As I sit here and am aware of silence surrounding me

 I come to the conclusion that my life is worthless and

 Yet I consider why I feel like my life is useless?

 

 As I sit atop these tree branches looking through binoculars

 I begin to contemplate exactly how I am going to take

 The perfect picture of a mother bird feeding her young?

 

 As I sit...

 

Author notes

Option #2

I know it needs alot of work to be a true winner but its better than nothing.

Hope this makes sense!

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 23 of 23
  • XxLuckyxX
    July 10

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    Very Good

    Another stunning piece by a very talented poetic tiger. I absolutely love your work and this is no exception. A very good flow and a poem that tells such a real and relatable write. Those feelings of uselessness are common to so many of us. I do have one little issue and that is this...

    I start to figure out and plan think about.

    I am thinking you should either take out the word plan or add the word and between it and think. Other than that this is another exceptional piece. Great job, as usual. Keep up the amazing work and I will keep reading and commenting.


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    December 14, 2008

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    Enchanting!!!

    Compelling narrative with a great flow & I must confess I wondered which way it was going to go when the binnoculars came out... lol!
    But I really enjoyed it...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!


  • DogFish silver member
    October 24, 2008

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    Sometimes there are long pauses between the poingant moments...do we fill them with anticipaton or just let them drift as anticlimactic?


  • Amergin
    October 22, 2008
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    Ahh, introspectiveness, always interesting to sit and ponder oneself, for good or bad. Nice one.

  • Theasp
    October 13, 2008

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    sense it makes but it leaves out the sensuality of the written word

    so, it is a blah day, even blah is not lifeless, kid.

    I will never lie to you!
    Hugs the ASP rework this ,hon


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Hey, man, pretty durn good, if you ask me; especially the surprise ending. Thanks, my friend, for sharing this one.


  • hks
    June 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    " As I sit here and stare out the window
    I begin to wonder in this deafening silence"

    says alot about yourself, enough to earn my respect.

    =]

    mucho amor!


  • Childsight
    May 12, 2008

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    Nice job! I can actually relate to the poem because I constantly fid myself staring off into nothingness when silence is around and thinking the same things. great job!


  • sekmhet eye of ra
    May 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hmmm, thought provoking. i love your use of repitition and the complemplative tone; it put me at that dream-like state that allows your mind to flow anywhere. AWESOME!!!


  • Ali - Pie
    May 2, 2008
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    Great poem. Very captivating.


  • Angelflower
    April 16, 2008

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    Wow.. this was really amazing.. Really thought provoking too... I really enjoyed reading this.. I don't know what else to say really besides..wow...
    Well done..
    Jetleena


  • Ryno
    February 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This sent chills down my spine. I know how you feel about that... I can back you up there/feel ya there. Life is just full of pondering & you captured the image so serene, yet emotional.

    What an excellent & relatable poem! Ryan


  • Eyes Wide Shut gold member
    February 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh wow.
    this is breathtaking.
    I love it so so much.
    I think it's perfect how it is.
    You don't need to add to it..
    It's AMAZING.
    Haha.
    ♥austyn

  • panic155
    February 2, 2008
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    This is real good

    your thoughts are true

  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    January 29, 2008
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    Excellent

    Ah, a wee bit of work maybe, however, I found it most satisfactory, indeed. Hope all is going well with you my friend. When your schedule permits, perhaps, we can still meet for coffee, in Tacoma, or Seattle.
    Good luck with everything.

  • icebear
    January 28, 2008

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    I just had this silence thing too..

    As I sit...
    Just yesterday, my father in law quoted his father's advice to him, to me. " You can never win the race by looking behind you." Soon, all those birds will be waking us up at five in the morning. So much for boring silence. Good poem


  • SugarCandyKittyKat
    January 26, 2008
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    Good piece...sometimes it's just good to lay back and think about things...


  • CountryCousin
    January 25, 2008

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    Actually.

    Well this one makes sense because it states the beauty and the silence of being alone. As usual you did a good job. So take care poet.

  • Deepredvelvet
    January 24, 2008
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    It's amazing what absolute silence can do and make us think.......good write.

  • deleteduser
    January 24, 2008

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    Plan, change to plain...
    This poem can definately grow. Don't stop writing now. You have only given this poem actions, no conflict, no resolution, no real plot. What does the silence do to you when you do these things? Go back and under each group of three, write three more lines describing what the silence does to you while you do these things. So far so good!
    Finish the poem strong about how the silence affects your life in the most critical way. Hope you work on this more! I want to see this grow


  • Tarja
    January 24, 2008

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    It makes enough sense! GEEZ Have a little faith in yourself huh! This was really well written and I enjoyed it. Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • Amia Aesthetic
    January 23, 2008

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    Deep and simple

    I love how you wrote this poem. For a moment, you were try to see your moment from someone else's perspective. I don't quite know how to word it. ^^;
    But it's an awesome, babe! <3
    P.S. I find myself doing that somedays too. ^-^


  • looneyeclipse
    January 23, 2008

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    For some reason, I think Bill Belichick would want to hire you Paul, since you seem so adept at using binoculars. Ya know, you can check out signals for him during games next year lmao. Then after the games, you could discreetly meet up, and pass him the notes, or pass the notes to one of his staff. Even better, you could drop the notes off at a pre-arranged spot, such as a waste-basket in a park. When it gets dark, Billy can go sneak there and grinningly grab the notes and then sneak back into his vehicle and speed off into the darkness.

    During the season, when they go on road games, you'd have to either drive to a park close-by, or move to New England, but I would imagine he would make it worth your while, monetary wise.

    But then, what would happen when the Seahawks are the opposing team? Heaven forbid you'd use your binoculars for anything more than to check out the cheerleaders, right? OMG, you mean you'd do what you're paid for, no matter what Paul?? Oh my, money has corrupted ya! Wait until I phone KIRO News about this, they'll have a field day with this bombshell.

    lmao, j/k Paul, I enjoyed your poem, and the part about the binoculars made me think of the Pats for some reason lol. BTW, be careful whilst in the tree Paul, the mother-bird may think you're a predator, and go and peck your eyes out lol. Then you'd be stuck listening to the Superbowl on the radio...

1 - 23 of 23