First droplets from a leaden sky,
You almost hear the parched earth sigh;
Six months of drought this world has known,
For seasons they have gone awry.
The dew eyed fawn seeks dappled shade
To find last green and tender blade,
And in these nights of breathless air
No nightingale sings serenade.
For man is avid, often blind,
His thoughts so often undermined
The need of this sad dying earth,
So soon there will be no mankind.
Yes man must stop and think again,
And I'll keep praying until then,
Still whispering that last amen,
Still whispering that last amen.
Author notes
option 14
A contest entry
- In Honor of Frost by Jim Berkheiser.
1560 points, ended February 5, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your very best shot! by hotpinkblossomluv.
400 points, ended June 28, 2008, 36 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The End of it All by whos my humblepie.
900 points, ended September 1, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything & Everything Old or New by piccola.
600 points, ended August 30, 2008, 34 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - #123 For Winklings and Allpoetry Friends:Choices of topics. by Lyndon.
6000 points, ended October 7, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options/ Pre-writes/ Rhyme Only by poets whisper.
600 points, ended November 4, 2008, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SHORT WRITES BUT POWERFUL IMAGES by DeadlyPoetic88.
1332 points, ended January 21, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of Gold. by morgana raven.
400 points, ended February 9, 25 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Picture Prompt...The Tree of liFe looks thirsty...tell me why by echo-ink.
1700 points, ended March 11, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Quickie for you(lots of options)#2 by pain is love..
490 points, ended May 19, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - MY FIRST CONTEST MAKE IT COUNT PREWRITES ALLOWED by punkprincess64.
550 points, ended August 7, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Endangered Animals, Global Warming and Our Shrinking Planet by kareneisenlord.
2800 points, ended August 26, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can You Win More Than Once? by MJ Forgives.
1218 points, ended November 12, 225 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 88 of 88
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Really good poem. Congratulations on all the trophies too. I hope you do well in my contest and thanks for entering. Love and Peace!
-Jess
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I love this poem!
Especially the last stanza, how it uses repetition. It really sticks out and speaks to me.
I love the organised stanza's and you've used some brilliant words from your vocabulary which, with the rhyme through the poem, just top it off!
A great read.
Good luck in the contests with this one. No doubt it will not go unnoticed.
=]
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This is absolutely breath-taking. The ending left me with chills and a gasp. Incredible and beautiful in it's simplicity, yet profound message that can reach anyone, anywhere. This write really strikes home and makes one stop and contemplate that we should never give up trying and praying - not knowing when it will be our last "amen." Exquisite!
You last two lines left me churning the words over in my mind like a mantra. Very soothing too. Loved the imagery. Thank you for entering and I wish you all the best! -
wonderful entry; I think the repetition of the last lines is a great touch
best of luck to you
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I need the word phrase not just the number of your prompt and also your name and a new poem as this was a pre write. Love the poem so good job.
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I think I've already commented on this but at any rate it's beautifully done and congrats on all of the previous trophies.
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nice write, this is awesome, i love the aaba rhyme sheme. thanks for entering
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Nice rhyme, both end and internal. I enjoyed this piece thoroughly. You imagery was spectacular. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
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Wow.. this was amazing.
Congrats on all trophies won,
very well deserved.
Best of luck & thanks for entering
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Very nice, well constructed, and so so pertinent at the moment.
It can be overwhelming thinking about mans' selfishness and how it is ruining the planet... for other creatures, but also for ourselves. Although the planet will recover, a long time after we have gone... we are just making the conditions here unlivable for us!
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This is a nice piece, but I can't say that it's right for my contest. Sorry.
Thank you for your entry. -
this is a nice write. good luck in the contest!
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Beautiful & went well with the prompt. Congrats!
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Loved it
finals -
Excellent
Great choice for the prompt. Captures the prompt so well. Best of luck in the contest
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This is really nice and of course well written.
~The dew eyed fawn seeks dappled shade
To find last green and tender blade,
And in these nights of breathless air
No nightingale sings serenade.
A perfect smack of imagery for me. Good and great work! -
Very well written(: Good luck in the contest!
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masteful piece!...peace
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Lovely rhyme & flow ~
I liked the message within these words.
Best wishes in the contest!
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Absolutely wonderful. I love the repetition of that last line. It is so sad that we have killed the earth.
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brilliantly written. thanks.
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Really good take on the prompt. I like how you repeated the last line. Best of luck and thanks for entering
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wow.. impressive write.. like.. REALLY impressive.. great work with this one.. :D well written.. great rhyme and flow.. fantastic work... all those gold and silver and bronze trophies really are much deserved!! wounderful work here :D
thanks for entering my contest!! and best of luck to you in it!!
-Lemon Bee-
xx
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I have read a few pieces of work by you now and you really do have a way with words, this is a brilliant write with flawless rhyme.
Thanks for entering
Laura. -
while reading it i cant help but picture it being said in such a soft voice that it MAKES people listen. its a very beautiful write
thanks for entering! -
a beautiful write, and one speaking of such universal truths...we must stop the destruction of our environment! Well said, well written.
Rory -
This is amazing, as your awards have confirmed. great write.
♥
whisper
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lovely sonnet!! rarely i have seen writes on this subject. it was nice to read a poem on the need of preserving earth. reminds me of one of my poems "it".
it nice to know that there are poets who see the unseen and the ignored shades... and urge the need to present it
For man is avid, often blind,
His thoughts so often undermined
The need of this sad dying earth,
So soon there will be no mankind... this is my fav stanza. its strong and provoking
best of luck in my contest and thanks for entering
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Wow, so beautiful. No need to say more, it has all been said.
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Such Beautiful words
Your medium is a needle and your words are a thread in the most beautiful poem I have read in at least a year. It would be an honor to win even bronze after reading your work. It is powerful in every way imaginable. You are talented beyond what I have read on this site thus far. I'm just going to shut up now, because I am in thrall after reading this.
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Beautiful poet, as many trophies attest
But previous wins shouldn't exclude an excellent poem such as this! Great write, carefully crafted with delicate yet ironically strong imagery, nice rhymes (I'm old fashioned and love poetry which rhymes)...thanks for entering. Most of all: GREAT MESSAGE -
Very forthright. I like the repetition at the end; it is as though you are reflecting on all you have just said.
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For man is avid, often blind,
His thoughts so often undermined
The need of this sad dying earth,
So soon there will be no mankind
fantastic the flow was so smooth, these lines above just struck out at my attention. -
This is stunning, I loved how you weaved the deadness of the Earth with your hope that God would answer your amens, and I believe he will.
There is a scripture I read, (can't remember where in the bible it is) that says God will bring to ruin those ruining the earth.
This was wonderful. -
This is truly beautiful Di, I'm not surprised that it has won so many gold. Good luck in the contest. Val
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I read all the comments!
I had to see what others saw in this poem. I agree the second stanza is quite poetic. Your theme is clear and your intention is admirable. We are not very good caretakers of 'Eden'. It has some impressive hardware to go with it. Thanks for your entry.
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Haunting ending, the meter and rhyme are excellent.
Thank you for this enjoyable write and a message we should really think about.
Beautiful. -
the rhymeing is just amazing, and the poem in general is perfect. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!
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Normally, I have trouble hearing the meter, but I could hear it clearly on this piece. It is nice and sharp. Your imagery is strong as well. Thank you for entering.
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I like it. It may be a little on-the-nose for my contest, but its well built, clearly carried out, and emotionally invested.
I think the rhyming structure is elegant and well balanced... there's something of a classical nature to the word choice and rhythm but in a subtle way.
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So excellent...
You have really conjured up such amazing imagery here. The entire write was filled to the tips of the pictured tree's branches with weigh (without cracking its branches). You got me and kept me throughtout the entire piece. This stanza etched itself on the interior of my brain though:
"The dew eyed fawn seeks dappled shade
To find last green and tender blade,
And in these nights of breathless air
No nightingale sings serenade."
No small wonder why this poem won you those 'sparkling things'. So wonderful.
AsIThink...
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Thank you for following my simple contest rules. Much appreciated!
Obviously, with the number of trophies this already has in place, you are well aware of your talents and that this is a powerfully good poem!
Thank you for your entry & good luck in the contest -
Lovely rhymes and beautiful meter. You have conveyed your message in a heartfelt manner: we need to save our world! Thank you for entering.
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Excellent vocabulary, I learned half a dozen new words by reading this. Although the message you are trying to convey is beautiful, there wasn't much of an aha moment, as the last two lines are repeated and all. But good job!
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amazing..
i see why youve won so many golds for this piece.
good luck
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beautiful
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What a divine, heartfelt write you express yourself with such a sense of emotion and compassion for the beautiful world in which we live. The imagery is great! This truly is a lovely, most moving write. Thanks so much for entering the contest - well done on all your trophies, they were well-deserved!
peace xx -
what a beautiful write and filled with words of wisdom...we must stop and think again. Very well done.
Rory
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Wow, the gold is piling up for this write; congratulations. It is indeed a great write. I love the repetition at the end.
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Oh how I love Robert Frost! This is absolutely beautiful, it makes me want to cry and left a wistful ache in my chest. I love it.
Thank you for entering! -
crystaldust 08.10.09 16:56
Many congratulations on the gold, Di my friend. Richly deserved. It's one of your best. mlj -
Congrads on yet another gold trophy for this Di, it really is a stunning piece of work!
Love,
Amera♥
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Beautiful 'Rubaiyat' Quatrain rhymes
Although not interlocking from stanza to stanza via the end word of line three, you have written a beautifully simple yet deep poem. "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" is one poem that comes to mind that, of course, is a glorious rendition of the interlock. Your repetition of the final line, as with Frost, is significant.
"The dew-eyed fawn"? There is an obvious inversion here:
'For seasons they have gone awry' which could have been escaped from with something like this:
"For, strangely, seasons are quite awry."
The imagistic thoroughness of this lyric presents a mood of foreboding gloom with climate change.
Contrastive images provide the gulf between what was and what is: "nightingale sings serenade"; "The dew-eyed fawn seeks dappled shade"; "green and tender blade" ~ these are the Wordsworthian beauteous forms of yore. Your poem negates these in wasteland images.
Like Wordsworth, you, poet, begin with Nature and lead to human Nature. However, the tune has changed from "What man has made of man" to "what man has made of earth".
Now, I would not have spent time on this poem unless I felt it to be a beauty!
Ron. 
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Eeeehh. I was nearly crying. This was so beautiful. I loved the imagery, the rhyme scheme, the last two lines, the Everything!! Well done with all those trophies. You desesrved each and every one of them
Congratulations and good luuck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x -
Reminds me of the closed skies of judgement at the time of Elijah. Elegant, poignant.
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This is so true and so deep... and so very very sad. Is this really what the world has come to? A beautiful piece, full of haunting imagery and rhyme. Thanks for entering... Shya
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oh My goodness!
powerful message penned here.
Great flow and the imagery speaks loud and clear.
This is excellent poetry.
Thank you for entering my contest.
Delila -
Such a revealing poem ...
and well-written using form and style! I can see why you won so many trophies for it! Amen! Let us pray that we will make 'green' strides by inspiring the younger generation as to its importance so they can come up with 'ideas for how' that have not been thought of yet! joy -
These words reached in to my inner core....
Sensational how you phrase a plea after
expressing condition. And the emotion is so
focused with the imagery used. I love brevity
that succeeds in moving one as if it were
an unfolding story. Blue
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A beautiful write. Deserving of a gold trophy. I see you received the honor abundantly. A pleasure to read.
Sam
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A rather beautiful Rubaiyat clearly well worth the jewellery if carries, we both look forward to reading the poems you give us and hope you are going to join us in the finale.
All the best
Jeff and Sue
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Could please be a dear and put the name of the poet whose work inspired this rather proactive piece. Thank you for entering.
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A fabulous point of good and bad. Amazing is it not, that we human beings know the bad things that we do to the environment and have yet to do much more than chastise ourselves for it. Great job.s and best wishes always.. ~Genie~
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This is a beautiful work. The first two lines made me sigh because I live in an area that is parched. There seems to be an imbalance and so many people are enduring floods while others endure droughts. Anyway, I love this write. Congratulations on the golds.
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I really enjoyed the imagery in this poem and You deserve so much credit for winning two golds with it. Thanks for sharing.
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This is a lovely lovely poem and perfect in many ways
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What a poem of beauty ...
I loved it. Thank you.
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This is very good.
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wow
indeed you do have poetic grace..no wonder you won Gold..this is an amazing write..not only perfect flow and rhyme but also a very relevant issue..we as writers have a responsibility to educate to speak out against social ills..and this does a fabulous job of both..truly a joy to read..thanx so much for sharing..blessings..namaste..
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Very nice. I loved the description of the fawn. And the picture is very nice too.
Well written meter. Thanks for entering!
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first..congrat on ur win in other contest..second.i love the pic...third..wow..i love this poem..i think this is very deep..the whisper of earh..of the wind..and everything around else..this piece is a like a 100 haiku rolled into a poem../.very beautfiul..nice job and good luck in the contest
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beautiful
i like it.. alot. good luck in the contest...
BTW brownie points for HONEST thoughts on my work
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Amen to this indeed
We are all wise enough to know when anything is neglected it so shall be lost . We must open our eyes and let not one fall baside us and see this world is loved and nurtured or we shall all fail
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it good
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This is a great piece! I like the imagery and word choice in this as well as the rhyming and the flow. I like the repetition in the last stanza because it emphasizes that line well and it works well to bring the poem to a close. My favorite part is stanza three because it gets a point across that we need to pay more attention to our world. The title of this is creative and works well to reflect the poem, so great job with that. Great job and good luck in the contest!
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very nice poem great work on this piece!! I really enjoyed reading it, and best of luch in all of your contests!
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I absolutely loved this. The repetition is tasteful and used excellently in this piece. I loved this.
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"Yes man must stop and think again,
And I'll keep praying until then,
Still whispering that last amen,
Still whispering that last amen."
This ending is amazing . I pray to god every night that people realise . Thankyou for this poem . Good luck in the contest/ -
I would say that Mr Frost would be very proud.
There is beauty, truth and foreboding in this point.
Done with a rare silky smoothness
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This is a great write! so well written you did a great job, as I'm sure you know from your previous win! I do really like this write! you truly paint a beautiful picture with your words! there was one part in particular that I liked as well:
"For man is avid, often blind,
His thoughts so often undermined
The need of this sad dying earth,
So soon there will be no mankind."
Its hard to think how impermanent we actually are, but you show that very well here, great job, you have beautiful words!
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I can understand why this won gold. This is absolutely gorgeous. The images are unblemished and hold such great beauty. The repitition of the the final two lines is a perfect cry and prayer. The rhyme is done very well. The flow is more or less perfect.
For man is avid, often blind,
his thoughts so often undermined
I absolutely love those lines. They are beyond beautiful.
This is a profound poem. -
Congratulations on your more than worthy Gold award I find it no dishonor finishing runner up to such a wonderful piece and poet Congratulations once again
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You not only followed the rhyme scheme and meter but you captured the quiet tone of Frost's poem. Also, how could I ignore this prayer for the beauty of nature that Frost and I both love.
I selected this entry for the gold and thank you for your entry. -
This is very good ...
but I'd change "they" in line four to "sadly", although I realize this is one of those exact meter things, so perhaps you might do it after the contest is over. You could also do this:
Seasons sadly have gone awry.
You might also put a comma after "avid", which would help in reading that line.
Otherwise, you've done a fine job as usual.
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Thank you for your entry.
Jim -
Poignant
sharing that reads well. The poem, the message ...
joy
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Beautiful, beautiful...the rhythm and rhyme... I can hear you softly whispering this prayer, with closed eyes and heart open wide.
~Sonja~
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Must say I love the picture, and you have made frosts interlocking form your own. This has the same feel of his watching snow, yet there is also the depth of humanity here as well. A wonderful write!
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