I lit a candle.
The scent of melting wax
dazes my senses with vanilla dreams
my gaze lost in the center of the light,
its softness painting a trembling hue.
My palms holding a piece of sun.
I want to write in the coming hours
thinking of poetry in some other place and time,
but the right words don't come.
Soon, under the cover of soft velvet,
hours, the slaves of time like crazy jesters
will play with my imagination
and with some words of rhyme
creating strange pictures in the dark,
offering me a sleepless night depression
and the company of an origami bird
made of dark blue glittering paper
trying to fly to an unknown destination.
Author notes
Sonja
In a list
A contest entry
- but such is life... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended February 5, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best prewrite between december 07 and february 08! by danceswsquirrels.
1910 points, ended April 1, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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this was simply beautiful.. I loved the time lapse and the idea behind writing.. loved everything about it.. gah.. this was chosen as my gold pick!
Jessa♥
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The details in the first stanza seemed to be extranuous, but at the same time, they were good descriptions. A little too descriptive. Besides that, I really like how you developed the metaphor- especially in the final stanza- and the ending was very good. Thank you for entering and best of luck.
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and the company of an origami bird
made of dark blue glittering paper
trying to fly to an unknown destination.
the creative part of the poetic journey here is the concept..which is wonderful..well done... -
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Creating a picture in words are beautifully done, nice verses here sweet one, good luck in this contest, think ya got it.. *grins*
mm
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If only I could express my wordless melancholy so beautifully. The candle, the poet, and the confused paper bird show the feeling.
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i absolutely love the metaphor of the bird! your language in describing the bird and your surroundings is so vivid and real. this is just dripping with emotion! i like the occasional rhyme, especially where you mentioned rhyming in the poem.
yet again, another brilliant write!
LXF
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what an amazingly descriptive piece
of writing. such vivid imagery and
descriptiveness of emotion made this
a beautiful read. great job.
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this is so creative and so amazing..when I can't write, I will think of this bird!! I love your imagination, creativity, and beautiful imagery..
poetry does/is an unknown destination,
so beautiful, poet..
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