she one had luaghed
she once had smiled
she once had danced
she once had loved....
she loved him
she thaught he
loved her to
but she was wrong
he didnt love her
she was just
another link
in his chain
she wanted to scream
she wanted to cry
she wanted to kill him
she wanted to die
so she ranaway
from the past
she ranaway
from laughter
she ranaway
from pain
she ranaway
from crying
she ranaway
from him
she walked
down a street
with cars
passing by
she looked
at a couple
so happy
and full
of life
she couldnt help it
she needed to do it
she had to runaway
from the thing
that would keep
her thinking of him.
so she took her life
and ran into traffic
she couldnt stand it
she needed him so bad
she had to do it
before she went crazy
the pain is gone
her parents
are crying
she ranaway
to escape the pain
and now the boy
sits in the back
of the church
finally understanding
that he had made
a HUGE mistake.
and so he
runsaway
and into traffic
to join her.
for he neither could he
deal with the pain
of loosing her...
A contest entry
- feeling lost i want sappy stuff people by Pureisolation.
450 points, ended February 15, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything You Want :: Celebrating my 100 Trophies by Manda Kathryn.
900 points, ended February 13, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do u think????
Comments
-
awww how sad, but a lovely write, keep it up
stephanei -
G'Day i cry acid tears
Another heart-wretching write that sinks deep into the mind of the reader and helps bring emotions to life.
You have a couple spelling mistakes though again, nothing that takes away the strength of the poem.
The ending is strong and locks this in tight.
.♥.
Thank you for your entry
Best of luck
Stay safe
~Manda
-
your poem just gave me chills up and down my spine. really, I liked this poem...I can really realte to this poem, alot of it reminds myself of me other. all of it. thank you. for writing this piece for this contest. I really love it.
-
Wow. Great write!
There are a few gramatical errors, such as:
for he neither could he
deal with the pain
of loosing her...
But overall, this is an awesome peice... I wasn't expecting the funeral scene at the back of the church... It hit me with the element of surprise.
But yes, this was a very well thought out poem. Great job!
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