And do you know
you were and still are
like a mother to me?
You gave me hope
when I had none left
The strength that
carried me on
through my blood's
house hold
That strength was
born from your hope
It's been so long
since I've been able
to even speak with you
Now I'll never have
that chance again
I almost wish
I could blame myself
Maybe I can
I didn't contact you
But I still remember
your voice on the phone
the first time I ever
spoke to you in person
And I was free;
you were happy for me
Maybe even proud
And you were the mother
I didn't have at home
You were everything
that I could ever want
I wanted to meet you
and hug you at least once
But, again, I will never
have that chance
I'm sorry; I should have
thought of you more
I should have taken your number
and called you now and then
But when your health
collided with your body
and left you fighting
I was caught up in myself
I've seen those pages here
of those who died;
those who are remembered
through poetry and messages
I never thought that
you would become one of them
And I wish I could have spoken to you
one last time before you left
I wish I could have heard your voice,
and known how your life was going
one last time before this day
I wish I could tell you
that I still love you like a mother,
and you will always remain in my heart
I wish I could remind you
that you haven't failed me as a friend;
you were so worried you weren't enough
But you were everything I needed
You were everything I never got to have
And I hope, in these last months of life,
you still thought of me as a daughter
Because no one could replace you now
May your spirit roam free
Author notes
...and finally know peace.
My AP mother, Victoria Lin, has passed away. I think the hardest parts about all this is that I don't know when, I never got to speak to her before it happened. The last time I remember speaking to her was a few months after my fiance and I moved into our first apartment together, when she called me. That was probably around a year ago.
In spirit, she was my mother; she was everything my blood mother couldn't be. Now, not only have I lost the only true father I considered having, but also her, my true mother.
I wonder if in death is better than in abandonment. I think this hurts more.
In a list
Comments
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"I wish I could tell you
that I still love you like a mother,
and you will always remain in my heart
I wish I could remind you
that you haven't failed me as a friend;
you were so worried you weren't enough
But you were everything I needed
You were everything I never got to have
And I hope, in these last months of life,
you still thought of me as a daughter
Because no one could replace you now"
She wants you to know that she hears, and knows every word written here is from the very core of your heart. She also wants you to know that there is a host of angels here, ready as ever when you need them, in whatever way. She is smiling!
Your sentiments wrench the heart because we all know all too well how life can be, and how we can get so caught up in our own issues that we sometimes lay aside those we love. You lived as you should have my dear, and so did she. There are no coincidences in life. Everything that happens has its reasons.
When last I spoke to Tory (June 2007) she confessed to me that she was worn, tired, in lots of pain. She is free now, as your poem states. Let us fly with her so that now she can get the rest she so desired to have.
Beautiful, heartfelt work here dear child.
I LOVE YOU ♥
Granny
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Your words mean more to me than you will ever understand. She will always be the mother I never got to have in this life.
I hope she is happy where she is, so happy. I want her to smile always.
I LOVE YOU. Both of you. You're both beautiful. ♥ -
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She wants you to be happy too Rose. Be happy for her and yourself. Let go...she has!
I will be here for You, not as a replacement for that is impossible but as a guardian, and an ear or shoulder. Whatever the need be, I am here.
Always ♥
Granny
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I don't really think there is anything I can say about this that you don't all ready know. You're a wonderfully strong person, doll, and I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. ♥ I know she would have been very proud of you.
But, yes. I'm here, and you know it. So vent away if you ever need to.
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i am sorry that you don't know when it happened and you lost someone dear to you, i know she is wishing you and proud of the woman you are becoming, keep it flowing
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aw i'm so so so sooooooooooo sorry hun! I can't believe I was so slow and I hate myself for it
wonderful poem though. I really need to see these things quicker. >.<
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Don't beat yourself up about it, you don't need to.
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WOW
It made me cry...It made me feel that emotion that is so hard to capture with pen, the not being able to say goodbye is so very hard. Death and abandonment in my opinion can walk hand in hand, but with abandonment there is a small chance for atonement, with death, there is none. I hope that penning this piece helped you with your grief...it is an absolutely beautiful piece. If you can move me to tears, you are a masterful poet. Thank you for sharing something that must have hurt you to share. I am honored.
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Sorry for your loss Rose. But my answer is also better in death than abandonment i think, because that way you may both look forward to meeting again. In one form or the next.
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Wow... thank you so much for this extremely sad piece. I have to say that background was gorgeous and the poem was so moving. And, in my opinion, in response to your question in your author notes, I do think that death is better than abandonment... because at least in that case, they didn't choose to leave you. Thanks again for entering and good luck.
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