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Find Where You Are.

While you're trying to find where you are.
I already know where I am,
lost without you.

Author notes

XxEmo-JellybeanxX

A contest entry

tell me what you think.

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Luna Tique Fringe
    June 21, 2008

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    I like the contradictory nature of the last two lines, but overall too many words, dulls the effect..maybe something like this:

    though you still search,
    I know where I am~

    lost without you


  • GypsyEyes
    May 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aaww this was just clever! i really liked it! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox

  • GypsyEyes
    April 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh sweety i think that many people can relate to this poem. thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! NineTailedFox


  • SilverButterfly gold member
    February 3, 2008

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    oh my hun this is simply an awesome write!! you have alot of talent for expressing emotions in such a short poem. WRITE ON!!

    GBY
    SilverButterfly
    (Mary)


  • Naridill
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Perhaps minus 'but' in end line, would flow more fluent and cast such stunning imagery.

    Thanks for entering,


  • Lofty Contemplation
    January 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I know this is a minor thing, but "your" in the first line should be "you're."


  • Charity Ann
    January 24, 2008

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    This is very intersting...not really my type of writing so I'm not really sure what to say that would be helpful. Thanks for sharing.


  • xxtainted-faeriexx
    January 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    that is adorable


  • Fairies on Fire
    January 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't know if you've done it like this for the contest, but I'd break up the last line, else its too wordy. This needed breathing time to sink in so people think about it more. So put the 'but lost without you' line on a different line...maybe even leave a few line breaks to make it more impactful. Also, for a shorty you need to check spelling, should be 'you're', not 'your'. Nice stuff though.


  • PatheticKt
    January 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nicely said ^^ simple yet deep =]
    good luck in the contest, too!


  • Tarja
    January 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ohhh very deep... I liked this. This actually reminds me of someone in my life. Good luck in the contest, this was wonderful.

1 - 18 of 18