Stars fondle the ashen, aesthetic moon
as intrinsic hues enliven the night;
Casting spangled webs of oracular swoon
as strands of hair, dance and delight.
Circular oblivion, as edges strain
Fabrics reach out to caress this ruse
As silent lullabies chime in refrain
and sweaty oceans crystallize my muse.
Quaking galaxies applaud its death
as nimbus awakens from a putrid sleep
Like dusk gasping its final breath
As baneful meteors run amok and weep
Infinity unravels as the zenith shines
Mottled clouds haunt the weary abyss
as mundane passions and hatred entwines;
Darkness subsides,in dawning bliss.
Author notes
Picture Inspired - 'I am Standing on the Edge of the World' by Lucie Stara.
In a list
A contest entry
- Picture Inspired/Rhyme by AliceinPoetryLand.
2000 points, ended February 3, 2008, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Well, it certainly ...
is an intriguing write. Congrats on the trophy too.
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i think of astronauts here, stepping in the great unknown, space is opening its arms, the moon's the welcoming face
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I think you really done the prompt justice with this beautifully written piece. Thanks for posting in my contest.
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I enjoyed your poem and I adore the picture. It has an interesting shape, the picture that is. Best of luck in all your future writing endeavors.
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I can see why your work is popular, it is well written and concise, with good vocab and metre.Spot on.
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I think this poem is definitely deserving of the silver trophy I really like the language that you use in this piece... especially the word 'zenith' this poem was captivating from the beginning until the end... I was waiting for more when I finished it
Keep writing
Polly
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Kinda sounds like a poetic expression of a super nova taking effect in space. Or that could just be me. Nicely done!
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Liked the alliteration, flow, rhythm and rhyme used in these lines. Interesting interpretation of the picture prompt - won you silver, so that is a plus. Way to go.
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I love the references to space and the sky that you've included in your piece. Those images add a lot to the poem for me. It reminds me slightly of thoughts one might have on the edge of a dream.
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I really liked everything about this poem: the rhythm, rhyme, quatrain stanzas etc all worked very well. The words are poetic and descriptive giving the reader the sense of ambience in the night sky.
alby
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Good job on the silver very dark and entrenching poem
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Oops...sorry
here ya go
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Congratulations on the SILVER
and this was very interesting. I think you penned well. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
Ephiphany♥ -
Looks like you have a chance to prove me wrong
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yes, this is beautiful, delicious rhyme, excellent verbiage and the flow is just like a ocean, crest and tide. Excellent work
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Yes.
Thought it was fab, so a definitely "yes" from me. -
No
While the rhymes & flow were smooth I just felt that this was a hefty load of words being bifted at my face. I suggest avoiding a load of adjectives, there hard on a poem & thinking of more original ways to word your imagery & emotion so it is easier to connect to. Please await the other judges responses patiently. Thanks; Ryan. -
Yes
Good luck!!
La x
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Oh my this is a stunning piece indeed. Beautiful flow, rhythm and rhyme. Loved it! Thanks so much for your entry.
Gaylene
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This is good, the rhyme and flow work really well and the imagery was really good...
Good write, thanks for entering and good luck! -
Quite awesome write. First off, the rhyme is brilliant, not forced at all. Good rhyme is so hard to do (i know, because I try, but I can never do it as well as you did here) The first four lines are absolutely beautiful, they really set the stage well, and I personally was hooked after reading them. You so deserved a trophy for this one. I'd suggest submitting it into more contests...dude, if it'd been MY contest, you probably would've taken home something.....
Great write. -
Love the poem
I also love how you can put big words in a poem and not make it feel long...I'll have to go try to find the picture, I know I'll love it if it's as good as your poem
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LIked your take on the picture prompt that was served to inspire writers in this contest. Great flow, rhythm and rhyme as well throughout these lines' liked the alliteration and assonance throughout the verses as well.
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Totally agree with Cupcrazy's comment...the rhyme is done exceptionally well. Good luck in the contest and thanks for sharing. La x
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beautiful work, lovely rhythm and rhyme and excellent verbiage. This is a totally captivating piece. loved it Hugs, Bunny
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Beautiful wording! I love the wording in this. Images are great and it reads nicely.
good luck in your contest.
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