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I sit and stare at nothing
I ugly blue zero painted on a blank screen
And I ask myself 'does he think of me?
Does he squirm and wonder
Does he lust and sweat
Is he feeling guilty
Or has he let those days
Those notes
Those letters go without regret
Is he mad or relieved
Should I make him feel
Should I appear suddenly
Or should I fade from his mind forever
Can I punish him for his neglect
For his tainted immaturity
Is it all my fault
If so should I make him forgive me
Or should I stand strong and proud
And fight the emptiness inside
I feel so alone now
My ugliness is hard to hide
So I run, and I push, and I try hard to clear my mind
And I find myself wondering
Does he feel guilty or worried
Or does he think about me at any time
'Give up' cries my heart
Just lay down and die
If it can't be this love on this day
Prehasp there won't be another along the way

Yet when I think of dancing,
And imagine myself beautiful
He is missing from my dreams
It's another who fills my lusty thoughts
A man in and out of uniform

Was I playing
Grasping at straws
Was I for seeing
The tears someone like him draws
Am I looking to hard
Should I wait a while
When I am so very lonely
That for love I'd run a ten thousand mile

What now do I do? Do I look forward and run on? Or jump back and hope I fall into kind strong arms?