walking still
standing
around familiars
feel till, steal
and yet will
to family a friend
love poise
learned after
and too
brevity lived
and
gathered
A contest entry
- twenty five by AJ Morelli.
2500 points, ended February 16, 2008, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
walking still? then standing... the opening needs to be clearer and more punchy....
i like what you are trying to do with sound in the first two stanzas
al -
I really like the uniqueness of this one. it's a really interesting piece, well done!
-
very clever work my friend! I really like the way you structured this and the thought you put into it. Excellent! Good luck in the contest!
-
amazing portrayed short, also called optimizing
well another well
this has you relook the way both polished speech or composure might seem hard to naturally take until we catch up or they let go a little, but all's taken in... as one can't be too sedentary or macho for what matters. so skill could sneak or be useful for all, I got from second stanza or when to not hidingly invite or favor -- weighing.
my favorite line is the very first and it kept blinking through the others as figuring modes, condensing seems to follow.
I didn't count linguistic terms, but it yanked me around as to a longer yarn before comfortabe relating ending. tappingly put in a beat that could be about to start music or stop nervousness -
this piece just bounces all over the tongue in a musical way- very interesting piece with a lyrical quality-
m
-
Very nicely done. Lots of thought here. I wish you the best in the contest!
Wolfie
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
