If I could reverse the film of life; the laws of time repealed,
I surely would for one more whispered word;
A softly-dubbed 'goodbye' or quiet 'adieu'
To tie and sew these wounds incurred.
The longing for this final scene, the plot uncut, revealed.
The simplicity of goodbye, unoccurred,
Still remains unsaid;
A mouthed, repeated-silence
In my lost, truncated reel.
Author notes
Prompt: The simplicity of goodbye.
Or rather the absence of goodbye and the pain of regret.
A contest entry
- Simplicity of Goodbye by Darianna.
800 points, ended February 8, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I have felt this way before and you expressed it brilliantly. Just...beautiful.
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wow! powerful words, and sush small allowed wording seeing as it's a 6line max. bravo! wonderful job
good luck in the contest
stephanie =) -
very good
"If I could reverse the film of life." I have often felt this way. This line meant alot for me. I sometimes wish when I'm in deep throught. If I could just start my life over, with all I know now. You carried me off. Thank you for the chance to escape
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I really like this a lot!
I realize that the contest calls for 6 lines, but this piece would look and even read better if there were more line breaks strategically placed.
Nevertheless, this is very good!
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Yes, it's tough to get across all I wanted to in the 6 lines. I think I just about got away with it, but it was hard work. In a way it adds to the tumble of images as in a film, so I kind of like that aspect. But yes, the poem would've been about 8 to twelve lines ideally.
Thanks. -
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I can relate to the challenge of sticking within such strict guidelines.
Good luck in the contest!
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Very nice flow, and I like what you are saying. Though I thought the lines, could be separated to make two lines to make it flow much easier - but then I scrolled down to see the prompt was 6 lines... Yeah.
I really like this, it did have amazing flow and your words were used really well. I like how it had somewhat of a rhyming pattern, and a good idea behind it!
Great write you've got here...
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This is really good! I like the way your poetry flows. This poem sounds very sad, but it is great!
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This is lovely. I particularly like the use of the film to illustrate how you could roll back time to say that goodbye, to delete the pain caused in it's absence. Yes...I really like this. Simple and understandable. It has such a melancholy-longing and sadness about it.
Thankyou for entering my contest, good luck!
Dari xxx
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