She blossoms with light,
Lustful and delight.
Reddish her flesh is,
while her conscience starts to fizz.
Pleasure she gives, without a thing in return,
she uttered her soul, delight to the fire she burns...
Silk and feathers brother her skin,
Adultery and pleasure, for her is not a sin.
A gift she received from ages she tells,
an erotic heaven and a lustful hell.
Glassy tears in darkness she drops,
while the blood flows like fountain sobs.
Her nipples are passion’s springs which won't wean;
she gives fantasies for seekers and plastic dreams.
Between her thighs, the elite of lords kneeled like slaves;
what mystery or adventure men seek in such sacred place;
the rhythm of the flesh, or the fume of the sweat.
Knock; Knock, I call upon the sin,
to wear my body, and let it din.
I found her story covered with dust,
I seeked the title, and the title was LUST...
A contest entry
- 13th Contest by Spiritualangel..PW Poems allowed... Picture Prompt... by spiritualangel.
470 points, ended February 8, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Feeling Naughty? by sekmhet eye of ra.
600 points, ended February 24, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What image did this poem gives you after reading it?
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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ohhhhhhhhh this is good..
my imagintion is set afloat with this. -
Hi G.b.d.,
I have yet to meet the woman of "Lust" - does she really exist? This woman seems to be totally free: sexually, sensually, emotionally, physically, intellectually and morally. I wonder if she is the new Venus? I immediately saw the image of Botticelli's 'The Birth of Venus.' There is more to this poem than eroticism! -
very good
eloquent -
Superb
A most excellent write, indeed. Imagery; rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Reminds me of my own Risque Series, if you would like to read one or more of them, here's a link:
http://allpoetry.com/list/57561-Risque -
well i am trying to pick out my most favorite lines, but it is hard to do....everything in here was brilliant. you are a very talented writer and i admire your work already.
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An exquisite tale of longing, and beauty... I'm not one for rhyming poetry, but this was too splendorous to ignore.
'Glassy tears in darkness she drops,
while the blood flows like fountain sobs.
Her nipples are passion’s springs which won't wean;
she gives fantasies for seekers and plastic dreams.'
Absolutely lovely. Intriguing imagery, and word placements. I liked this stanza very much.
'
Between her thighs, the elite of lords kneeled like slaves;
what mystery or adventure men seek in such sacred place;
the rhythm of the flesh, or the fume of the sweat.'
This to me had more power, the image more vivid. Harrowing, and conjured memories of my own knight kneeling...
In it's entirety, a lustful and explosive piece, elegance in the making. Loved this very much. Thank you for sharing with us.
~S.
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i really like this peom< your good at what you do,
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wow im blown away with your writing, this was shithot... the flow and the meaning... man you can write
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The ending made the poem for me. Well penned!
Peace and Love
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Tastefully erotic. =]
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"Between her thighs, the elite of lords kneeled like slaves;
what mystery or adventure men seek in such sacred place;
the rhythm of the flesh, or the fume of the sweat."
Amazing...
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Very descriptive, very erotic.
Thanks for entering, and good luck.
Novy and Brazos -
NICE ONE
A very sensual piece you have penned, all the best
Be Well
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Stunning Write Very Erotic
This is truly a very erotic account of heated passion and some very hot lustful thoughts. You weave a tale so ardently and vividly sweet......I enjoyed this read...novy
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"Silk and feathers brother her skin" -- did you mean bother?
hmmmm, what should i say to this. i've read it three times already; it's such a wonderful story. it was both light and deep, beautiful and sinful. i love the ending; you brought it right back to this line "A gift she received from ages she tells." clever and wonderfully nice.
thanks for the entry, and keep on writing!!!
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Glassy tears in darkness she drops,
While the blood flows like fountain sobs.
Her nipples are passion’s springs which won't wean,
She gives fantasies for seekers and plastic dreams.
beautifully penned. Where's the AP name ? -
Soul Soothing Sensual
Fervor filled and passionately penned, my friend.
I also liked your comment to "Blue Rew"
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As for the Poem, I verse got me...
"Between her thighs, the elite of lords kneeled like slaves;
What mystery or adventure men seek in such sacred place;
The rhythm of the flesh, or the fume of the sweat."
Soul Soothing & Sensual, Scribe.
~ Nicky♥
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Hallow be thy thoughts for thinking like me
Its not very easy to boil with ecstasy
Hambly I thank,for sharing the view
For Lust has been made for me and you.
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wow I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. It was written beautifully and flowed from my lips.
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First read 'n this 'n thought hmm interesting. Read it again just now, with a lil more understanding 'n I thought hmmm...what a promiscuous woman!
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wow
breath taking poem GREAT.. WOOHOO!! N1.. :)
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I fully agree with DD on this. Too much of the rhyme feels forced and is stagnant to your flow. The punctuation also does not help convey the reader through some of the wonderful imagery you've written.
I thought alot of this was very creative like your ending lines and the next to last stanza. There are
also some great lines throughout, but they lose their focus with the above issues as noted. Blue
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Thank you
Fair lady who wear the nectar of the gods and glow,
I thank thee,with respect,and with respect i want you to know,
That what i wrote is just a fantacy for you and me to know,
Hyper feeling,with complex actions,some think to control is a MUST,
Missing the idea that in controlling he is killing the essance of LUST...
THANK YOU..
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I like, where this is going and the poem has its strengths to convey the power and essence of the sin. I agree with previous comments that this has very good use of imagery through out.
However what I didn't enjoy as much was the presentation. The rhyme at places seems really contrived and I do not approve of verbs not being conjugated to rhyme like in the lines:
"Pleasure she gives, without a thing in return
She uttered her soul delight to the fire she burn"
and
"a gift she received from ages she tell
An erotic heaven and a lustful hell"
and
"Her nipples are passion’s springs which won't weans
she gives fantasies for seekers and plastic dreams"
I would also suggest at redoing the punctuation aspect of the poem, because you need commas and fullstops and have a problem with random capitalization. You have to choose either to use normal grammar and or capitalize each and every single line. Undefined is not good.
I hope you see my comment as a way to improve your writing and not as an attack or something else. I am being honest and try to help you polish the poem so that it can shine with its full potential.
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Thank you
I thank thee brother in poetry and friend
for such useful message that you've sent
Now i made it correct,wont bother to view
I care for the essence of the image i drew
Thats the Grammar of poetry,to write and break through..
but once again THANK YOU...
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3an jad this is Crimson Carnage of lethal lust....
I must admit, idont like erotic poetry this much but ur about to change my mind... this piece is awesome. ur right its more powerful than then "MAY I"
u got me glued to the screen since the first line
this is powerful imagery in here:
Between her thighs,the elite of lords kneeled like slaves
what mystery or adventure men seek in such sacred place
The rhythm of the flesh, or the fume of the sweat
and the flow and ryhme in this one is beautiful:
Silk and feathers brothers her skin
adultery and pleasure for her is not a sin
a gift she received from ages she tell
An erotic heaven and a lustful hell
and this last verse i liked the first line "Knock Knock I call upon the sin". beautiful man, purely beautiful
now i can say demonically erotic and purely awesome
good one
keep on penning
PEACE
**********JOWELL***********
i must also note that the rythm of the poem is similar to someone out of breath, exactly the same way when ur making love to someone....
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A lustfull tale of unique depths... an extremely graphic and mesmerizing description to the decadence and ironic beauty of lust...."while the blood flow like fountain sobs" my favorite line.
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bent in window of lust,
set free the cables of being in progress,
floating in avenues of firmament.
the wanted body always accepts,
glance never escapes or rejects,
doorway of paradise is not narrowed...
Brilliantly beautifully penned. Best of luck in the contest.
~spiritualangel~
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