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The Hand Finds Daggers

Missing image
Lost purpose, elusive gained only dissolves
glossed over, by ashen withered grimed destiny,
and distorted wayward marks of infamy;
sand 'neath fingernails bleed to the bitter quick.
Displaced of needful deviations I grasp
erased portions of vapor to fill this hunger,
by means of taint to echo true desire,
thereby mocked in shadows I remain stillborn.
I dwell within eternal winter's daggers.
Why that is so the mind can not remember.


Author notes

Image from:
http://mistabobby.deviantart.com/art/Original-Sin-7036859

Contest rules said no end line rhyme.
So this poem's rhymes are at the beginning of the lines.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Exodus gold member
    February 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think I'll agree with Heather on this one, I've seen some absolutely jaw dropping work from you in the past. I don't know, this is just... missing something. I thought the line "sand 'neath fingernails bleed to the bitter quick." in specific didn't read right... It's a wonderful line on it's own but read within the poem's context it doesn't sit right.
    That said the line "thereby mocked in shadows I remain stillborn." made me gasp. That is the line that stunned me.
    Thank you hun


  • Naridill
    February 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Anything to 'cape the rules, ey? lol. I like this but its nothing spectacular on what I have read from you. The start line rhyme is a good feel but the sentences feel like they aren't completed. Apart from that - your phrasing is awesome, as always, with your word choices.

    Thanks for entering,


  • Darkened Seraph
    February 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love the piccie, love the poem, they work so well. a brilliant write, so powerful with strong imagery too, good luck and very clever rhyme there


  • PerfectImperfection
    January 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Not sure if I have ever seen a beginning rhyme piece.. Very interesting! The write itself is very intriguing, an intense release of the image in depth. Great piece!


  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    January 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WoW what a picture, your words match it perfectly.
    This is some really great writing.
    Very enjoyable

    Loveandblessings2u & yours always
    Joyce


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    January 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your words and the picture were awesome. Your words were so powerful. Great job and good luck in the contest.
    Soulful Woman

1 - 6 of 6