Hazel eyes gaze at the starlight
I lay here, awake but dreaming,
Remembering the days of red wine and love letters,
Of violins and the soft feel of roses,
Of ballrooms and a music box melody.
Back then, we danced and laughed on the tower’s edge.
Swirling like autumn leaves, we fell
In beautiful spirals, to the ground.
There were masquerades in the house of cards,
Masked figures waltzing; elegant shadows
Their laughter rang through the bustling halls.
The scent of honeysuckle hung in the night air
When we reveled in the darkness,
Like gypsies gathered around the fire.
We would fall asleep beneath the gallows tree,
Dreaming black lace and red velvet,
Moonlight shadows trembling across your face
We were fragile… forsaken… free.
But now, our world is a faded fantasy
I’ll never forget when it burned to ash,
Or how you looked at me as you died,
A falling silhouette in the sunset glow,
Swallowed by the shades of pink and gold,
Reaching out for me.
Author notes
My newest poem, and also the one I took longest to write. [Several months and multiple versions to get to this point] It's purely experimental... I tried to include vivid imagery and a surreal setting, as well as a story while leaving plenty of room for people's own interpretation.
I am wonderful
A contest entry
- The Enchanted Misery Contest by Ms Raneika.
1200 points, ended March 20, 2008, 75 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark beauty by Maili Knephthan.
600 points, ended July 2, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Really nice. The images in this are just exquisite. I love the mood this piece evokes. And quite a bit of imagination went into creating it. I also like that this can be interpreted on many levels- it can be figurative about a relationship, the days of "wine and roses" and then the sad afterwards when things haven't worked out. I think you revised this well, and I really enjoyed reading it. Congratulations on your well-earned trophies and thanks for entering!
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This was a very beautiful write,
Of ballrooms and music box melodies, I just loved this line. Yessa! good luck in the contest. -
Very well done and was what I was looking for in this contest. Thank you for sharing and thank you for entering. Good luck in my contest and Thank you for Going by the rules and putting "I am wonderful" in the AN
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I love the flow of your here poem ...the story behind it is quite real and greatly felt ...thanks for entering my contest much love, Raneika
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I really like this one. The flow didn't go steadily through the poem but I love the imagery and the emotions you put to this one. Beautiful wording to show all the sadness of the end. Beautiful work with this one!
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Great poem! Well penned....
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The time that you took to write this poem was very well spent. It's full of life and vivid imagery. I loved the flow. Very well done!
Lauren
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Hazel eyes gaze at the starlight
I lay here, awake but dreaming,
Remembering the days of red wine and love letters,
Of violins and the soft feel of roses,
Of ballrooms and a music box melody.
i love the images thoise lines paint in my mind. its so powerful. just wow.
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Wow...several months
I must say I think it was worth it...it's just everything you say it is
Good job....
XXJeannette
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beautiful
I love the images it gives me in my minds eye
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amazing thanks for sharing.
ephiphany -
Oooooohhhhhhhh, this is wonderful and filled with such vibrant images for a lost love. It flowed freely as each line carried me through the shadows until I was swallowed by the shades of pink and gold. Thank you for sharing this with me and keep writing poet. I'ts lovely. seamaiden ♥
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Breathtaking
Such a beautiful write of lost love, I don't know what to say beside WOW. I loved this piece alot and I can relate to it also. these words are so sweet. Keep up the good writing
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very luxuriant and beautiful writing. excellent imagery showing the sweet fragile quality of the experience. thank you.
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This is a well written piece with a strong use of imagery, and the title fits in nicely with the poem.
- Jojo x sinnocence -
This piece provided such in depth visuals to the reader.
Very well written with a beautiful usage of words. Thank you for sharing.
Soulful Woman
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Beautiful use of language and a very strong under current. Interesting ending, to be honest I think that last line could have been more powerful but as it is now it works well.
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